Entire family unsure who actually wanted to go on cruise
INTERNATIONAL WATERS – Speaking from the middle of a 7 day Caribbean cruise, members of the Webster family are at an absolute loss to explain who thought going on a cruise would be any fun …
MFA student in 7th year realizes he’s living the plot of Groundhog Day
Kingston, ON – While watching the film Groundhog Day in his one bedroom apartment on Princess Street, Queen’s University MFA Candidate Charles Rumple stumbled upon the realization that he t…
5 ways to abandon your kids on Family Day
You know what they say, kids are either the greatest joy in your life, a constant burden on your spirit, or some combination of both. But no matter how much you love your children, one thing is c…
Editorial: If Global Warming is real then why am I being sued by a woman who slipped on my sidewalk?
By Taylor Michaels The time has come to start questioning whether the so-called “experts” in climate change really know what they’re talking about. Sure, we all want to believe that the world is …
Kevin O’Leary CPC
Because we are so popular with the #youth, the Conservative Party of Canada has hired us to create ads for their leadership candidates. Up first is Mr. Wonderful himself: Kevin O’Lea…
Confirmed: It’s those damn kids again
COLLINGWOOD ON – A report released earlier today by a think tank of local curmudgeons, crabs and cranks has sadly confirmed what many in the curmudgeon community already knew: It’s those damn kid…
All-white, all-male reboot of “Hidden Figures” in the works
LOS ANGELES – Production has begun on an all white, male reboot of the hit 2016 movie Hidden Figures. The movie, titled simply, Figures, will tell the story of three caucasian men who don’t…
Ben Affleck to play Mao Zedong in upcoming biopic
In exciting news for fans of Ben Affleck, he has been tapped to play Mao Zedong, founder of the People’s Republic of China, in an upcoming biopic. “I couldn’t be more excited…
Scientists confirm we could just, like, be kind and love each other
MONTREAL – Scientists at McGill University have proven, using psychological studies, genetic research, and MRIs, that human beings could easily just take a chill pill and be generous to all…
Beaverton Russian Times
“Question questioning”…
