Nation excited to briefly consider Jagmeet Singh before giving Trudeau a second term
TORONTO – After Jagmeet Singh secured the leadership of the Federal New Democratic Party, all of Canada is excited to think about supporting the party in next federal election before giving…
The Beaverton’s NHL preview 2017-2018
The biggest question in the 2017-2018 season is this: Will Canada snap it’s 23 year drought and finally bring Lord Stanley home? The Beaverton takes a look at each Canadian team’s chances: The Va…
Toronto Mayor John Tory smashes crack pipe to christen new Rob Ford Memorial Stadium
TORONTO – Mayor John Tory partook in a ceremony at the newly named Rob Ford Memorial Stadium this afternoon, christening the park by smashing a slightly burnt crack pipe against a concrete …
Thousand of sober, intelligent art aficionados to enjoy Nuit Blanche by not attending
TORONTO – Citing their devotion to meaningful artistic endeavours, throngs of thoughtful art enthusiasts, who, sources say, are completely in control of their faculties, will be getting the…
Top 7 travel destinations to get diarrhea
Planning a getaway to rest, relax, explore, and cleanse your intestinal tract with a horrific infection? Then consider these top 10 destinations to get diarrhea. Sources http://maxpixel.freegreat…
Outrage! Trump fires White House falconer
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a stunning move that shocked Washington insiders, President Trump unilaterally fired long-time White House falconer James McElroy. “He’s been with us since the Carter adminis…
Knitting needles join scrapbook paper on shelf of woman’s failed hobbies
Leduc, AB – After promising herself that knitting was going to be “her thing”, Sharon Allan’s knitting needles are now collecting dust on the shelf storing her scrapbook materials, woodwork…
Report: Basement apartment good enough
MONTREAL – Local graduate student, Emil Stanley, has confirmed that his recently leased basement apartment in the Outremont neighbourhood isn’t perfect but at least “good enough”, a sentiment sha…
Stouffville Mayor makes another photo grid linking half of town’s population to Kennedy assassination
STOUFFVILLE, ON – Another photo grid in the Whitchurch-Stouffville mayor’s office has implicated 23,753 citizens of Whitchurch-Stouffville in the assassination of US President John F. Kenne…
Millennial villagers prefer to pelt Lottery winners with avocado stones
THE VILLAGE – A conflict is brewing between Baby Boomers who insist on using the customary rocks and Millennial villagers who want to shift to murdering Lottery winners with organic avocado…
