The Beaverton

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Raccoon standing still on top of garbage bin worried he’s not going to get to scare the fuck out of anyone tonight

Mark Carney giving a speech in front of Canadian flags

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Mark Carney celebrates Labour Day by ordering labourers back to work

little boy sitting on dock with his back to the camera, looking at a lake surrounded by very green forest

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Real life Jason Voorhees? This kid’s mom is weird

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Leading physicists claim Mark Carney’s elbows are in a quantum superposition of up and down simultaneously

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Air Canada, union reach deal, forcing travelers to fly Air Canada again

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As strike looms, Air Canada thrilled to have new excuse to cancel flights

World’s tallest man missing

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Pain of human existence slightly alleviated by funny YouTube video

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Man invents new Slurpee flavour by mixing the shit out of the other ones

WINNIPEG – Local resident and regular 7-11 patron Dale Brattigan laid claim to a new Slurpee flavour last Tuesday by combining all available flavours into one large cup and mixing the shit …

Local man likes to think he’s funny

SCARBOROUGH, ON – After watching a comedy special featuring several top comics, 36-year-old suburbanite Peter Wisken made a formal announcement Thursday evening regarding his long-held belief tha…

E. Honda elected Governor of California

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Does this oatmeal taste funny to you?

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Beatles fan unimpressed by rest of humanity

WINNIPEG – Remarking on the state of the music industry, self-described “Beatles maniac” Gilbert Planter told friends and co-workers that no real music has been produced by huma…

Classmate you hit on last lecture now sitting on other side of lecture hall

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Majestic tidal bore described as ‘total bore’ by local teen

TRURO, NOVA SCOTIA – After spending an afternoon with his father driving out to witness a tidal bore—a phenomenon that resembles a miniature tidal wave—local teen Derek Hanswicks described …

I probably don’t need to make a sandwich vs. No, I’m not sharing my sandwich with you, Greg

Point: I probably don’t need to make a sandwich By Greg Hurst Aww yeah, it’s finally time for a road trip. It’s gonna be awesome. Just us dudes, the car, and the open road to Ba…

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