Columbia, SC – A battle is brewing over the fate of a 40-year-old bedbug-ridden mattress believed to once have been slept on by deceased South Carolina Governor and Senator Strom Thurmond. …
U.S.
Traitors: moderate Republicans just voted against letting the President use The Machine
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Once again blocking the President’s plans to Make America Great Again, moderate Republicans in Congress and the Senate are refusing to vote in favour of allowing Donald J…
Trump outsources White House manufacturing council to China
WASHINGTON DC – After a string of resignations from his manufacturing council, President Donald Trump has decided to outsource all of the positions to Chinese business leaders. Trump first …
Norfolk Ledger-Dispatch apologizes for error in 1945 headline
NORFOLK, VA – The Norfolk Ledger-Dispatch, the paper of record for Norfolk, Virginia, has issued a correction to a 1945 story that indicated that Nazi organizations were no longer functioni…
Aides look on aghast as Donald Trump stares directly at the sun for thirty minutes
STERLING, VA – The forty-fifth president of the United States spent thirty minutes staring directly into the sun today on the putting green of the eighth hole of the Trump National Golf Clu…
Trump warns Mueller to stay away from Swiss bank account number 1176209
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A fiery Donald Trump has demanded that special investigator Robert Mueller not investigate any of his family’s financial deals, particularly the fraudulent ones involving…
Insurance companies denying claims due to deterministic nature of universe
Chicago, IL – American health insurers have begun classifying all medical claims as pre-existing conditions and refusing to offer settlements because of the clockwork nature of the physical…
Sensing weakness, Loyalists plan recapture of New Hampshire
Kingston, ON – Seeking to exploit the political unrest and economic downtown in the United States of America, loyalists to the British Empire, who were driven to Canada after their defeat i…
New Netflix program just a live feed of your friends having fun without you
LOS GATOS, CA – Netflix has recently announced its newest slate of programming, including the hotly anticipated binge-worthy show A Live Feed of Your Friends Having Fun Without You, which w…
Barron Trump poised to coast into “smartest son” position
WASHINGTON D.C. – In yet another shift in Donald Trump’s tumultuous administration, young Barron Trump appears set to coast into the role of smartest son to the president of the United Stat…
