TORONTO – After suffering for years in comparison to other world-class zoos like the San Diego Zoo and Bronx Zoo, the Toronto Zoo has decided to intentionally send its best animals to other…
Toronto
Toronto Landlord just needs you to put a 20% down payment on the building before you sign a lease
TORONTO — Sources have confirmed that the landlord currently showing you around a 1-bedroom apartment in a Toronto low-rise just needs you to put a 20% down payment on the mid-century building it…
Doug Ford demands officer who carded Masai Ujiri be allowed to march in Raptors parade
TORONTO – Once again standing up for the rights of police officers everywhere, Ontario Premier Doug Ford demanded today that the unnamed officer who reportedly stopped and shoved team manag…
Most affordable apartments in Toronto revealed to be bathroom stalls in club
TORONTO – A young professional in Toronto was astonished to learn that the city’s most affordable apartments are actually located in the bathroom stalls of a club, whose name and location remains…
Doug Ford announces new Toronto subway lines, cancels them before end of conference
TORONTO — Speaking to reporters, Ontario premier Doug Ford cancelled the city’s plans for a downtown relief subway line before announcing his own “Ontario Line” subway, which he also then p…
Last person to use Toronto’s Union Station pre-construction dies of old age
TORONTO – Florence Green, the last person in the world to travel through Toronto’s Union Station before the renovation began, has died peacefully in her sleep at the age of 112. “Our belove…
TTC finally admits “signal upgrades” just code for Fuck Party in the subway tunnels
TORONTO – Toronto Transit Commission representatives have shocked the city by revealing that the commonly used explanation for subway closures – signal upgrades – is simply code for all TTC emplo…
Bruce McArthur pleads guilty, Toronto police still skeptical
TORONTO – Urging the public to not jump to any conclusions, Toronto Police Services have issued a statement to remind the public that just because Bruce McArthur has pleaded guilty to eight…
Toronto man who wasn’t speaking told to stop complaining about the snow
TORONTO – Despite the fact that he hasn’t actually said anything about the recent snowstorm, local man Jamal Cook has been frequently told by friends and colleagues from other parts of Cana…
Local man’s dog has better jacket than him
TORONTO – This week dog owner Ben Mazer shocked Bickford dog park by showing up with a dog with a significantly better jacket. Clad in a simple coat from an army surplus outlet, Mazer seemed unfa…
