TORONTO – When Dion Phaneuf put pen to paper and signed his new contract extension with the Toronto Maple Leafs his face almost assumed the position of a smile, sources reported today. Dave…
Sports
Shawn Thornton suspended for punching guy in face differently than he was supposed to
BOSTON – Boston Bruins enforcer Shawn Thornton was suspended for 15 games after a brutal attack in which he repeatedly struck Penguins defenceman Brooks Orpik in the face with his fist in a…
Police background check clears Bryzgalov to work with children, Edmonton Oilers
EDMONTON – Part-time goalie and full-time astronomer Ilya Bryzgalov is now able to make his first start for the Edmonton Oilers, after a police background check cleared him to play with Chi…
TSN anchors suddenly really excited for upcoming curling season
TORONTO – Following the NHL’s surprising announcement that Rogers Communications, and its Sportsnet tv stations, would have exclusive rights to nationally broadcast hockey games for the nex…
NHL bans concussions
TORONTO – In response to the number of severe head injuries professional hockey players have suffered in recent years, the National Hockey League has banned all players from getting concuss…
NHL considers re-naming Ottawa Senators to something less dysfunctional and sad
OTTAWA – NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman and Ottawa Senators owner Eugene Melnyk have announced their desire to find a less depressing and tedious namesake for the Ottawa based hockey team. “We exp…
Dave Keon begins crafting hit single in hopes of finally getting banner in ACC
TORONTO – With Bon Jovi successfully getting a banner at the Air Canada Centre, former Toronto Maple Leaf legend Dave Keon has decided to emulate the band’s approach to finally get his numb…
Parros’ mustache fails to break his fall
MONTREAL — Habs enforcer George Parros was released from hospital yesterday after his mustache failed to break his fall during a third period brawl with the Leafs’ Colton Orr. “I spen…
Blue Jays playing last game to catch up to Expos
TORONTO – The Blue Jays’ playoff push may have ended 160 games ago but on the baseball season’s final day, there is still hope that they can finish ahead of the Montreal Expos. “It’s been a…
