NEW YORK – In a league-organized press conference, NFL players read statements issued by commissioner Roger Goodell, indicating they felt concussions were “not a serious waffles in today’s …
Sports
‘Hockey Night’ experience gives Rogers courage to ruin Blue Jays
TORONTO – Having successfully rebranded Hockey Night in Canada from a beloved cultural institution into an unwatchable orgy of corporate synergy, Rogers Communications says it’s finally ready to …
PK Subban fined for swearing only in English
MONTREAL — If things couldn’t get any worse for Habs defenceman P.K. Subban, the 2013 Norris Trophy winner learned that he will be fined $50 by the Office québécois de la langue française b…
Leafs to start goalie tarp next game
TORONTO – In the wake of Jonathan Bernier’s blowout loss to the San Jose Sharks the Toronto Maple Leafs have announced that their starting goalie for Wednesday’s game against Columbus will …
Edmonton Eskimos currently reviewing Washington Redskins PR playbook
EDMONTON — In preparation for their upcoming face-off against Canada’s Inuit community, the Edmonton Eskimos are planning to borrow some public winning over maneuvers from the Washington Re…
Grey Cup: How players cope with the added pressure from tens of viewers
WINNIPEG — With the outcome of the 103rd Grey Cup between the Edmonton Eskimos and the Ottawa Redblacks far from certain, the pressure on the athletes is compounded by the dozens of viewers…
IOC announces new herniated disc throw event
LAUSANNE — The International Olympic Committee said it will be featuring the new herniated disc throw in both men and women’s categories. “For millennia, athletes have practiced this ancien…
Anthopolous rejects Rogers contract after realizing it only comes with 150 long distance minutes
TORONTO – The Blue Jays have announced the departure of General Manager Alex Anthopolous due to a contract dispute in which Rogers was only able to promise him 150 long distance minutes. “A…
Toronto Blue Jays fans eager to end 22-year rioting drought
TORONTO – After a two decade playoff absence fans of the Toronto Blue Jays are hopeful this will be the year they can finally destroy their city in a drunken World Series celebration. “I wa…
400,000 Blue Jays fans injured after bandwagon crashes outside stadium
TORONTO – Tragedy struck in the Rogers Center parking lot today when a head-on collision occurred between a sedan and a 400,000 seat bandwagon following yet another lopsided Blue Jays victo…
