OTTAWA – Officials at Carleton University held a press conference today, announcing their discovery that the long-thought-completed NHL playoffs are, in fact, ongoing. Graduate student Jaso…
Hockey
Hockey fans mourn loss of their only joke
TORONTO – The hockey community is devastated at the loss of their only joke with the Toronto Maple Leafs having advanced out of the NHL’s first round of playoffs for the first time since 20…
Fantasy Manager who drafted Tage Thompson won’t shut the fuck up about it
VANCOUVER – Local coworkers are expressing frustration as one member of their fantasy hockey league, Dave Henson in Sales, won’t stop bragging for 10 goddamned seconds about his late-pick d…
Hockey world in shock after NHL star marries brunette
NEW YORK CITY – Controversial Rangers defenseman Darryl King has set tongues wagging in the NHL community with his marriage to Katherine Evermore, who, according to insiders, is “almost off…
New Seattle Kraken mascot expected to either fight or mate with Gritty
SEATTLE, WA – Following the unveiling of Buoy, the abomination currently serving as the mascot for the Seattle Krakens, experts have been divided as to how the joyful creature will interact…
Hockey Canada board resigns in deference to real victims: Tim Hortons, Nike and Canadian Tire
TORONTO – Hockey Canada’s CEO and board of directors have resigned and finally acknowledged the true victims of a long ordeal that has damaged the sport’s reputation – its corporate s…
Tim Hortons somehow more reputable than Hockey Canada
TORONTO – The nation was stunned and confused this week after the actions taken by two pillars of Canadian society resulted in the disorienting feeling that Tim Hortons is now a more reputa…
Hockey fans training hard to get into peak trash talking shape
MONTREAL – Local Habs fan Jeff Donoghue says he needs just a few more training sessions before he is in mid-season trash talking shape. “Other off-seasons I’ve kind of let my ga…
Juraj Slafkovský excited to play in front of Montreal’s famously patient and understanding fans
MONTREAL – After being selected first overall in the 2022 NHL draft, 18-year-old Slovakian left winger Juraj Slafkovský is thrilled by the opportunity to play for Montreal’s serene hockey …
