KINGSTON, ON – Seconds after Hockey Canada announced its men’s Olympic roster, fans nationwide expressed outrage at the players they assumed were chosen. “From the moment I read ‘Canada announce…
Hockey
“This is totally the World Juniors” says woman trying to trick her boyfriend into watching Heated Rivalry
SUDBURY, ON – Local girlfriend Ashlynn Timbers is currently monitoring her boyfriend as he watches the program she told him was the World Juniors Hockey Tournament, but is in fact the steam…
Canadian economy rallies as #1 export now Heated Rivalry
OTTAWA – Canada’s economy, which has spent the year reeling due to American tariffs, is finishing the year strong thanks to the country’s new chief export, the gay hockey-romanc…
Connor McDavid signs two-year, $25M deferral of Leafs fans’ speculation
EDMONTON – Connor McDavid and the Maple Leafs fanbase have agreed to a two-year, $25 million deferral of all overoptimistic conjecture about the Oilers captain one day signing with Toronto. The c…
“I know it’s only the Preseason but…” says hockey fan about to make the dumbest prediction of all time
TORONTO – As the pre-season winds down hockey fans are using the preamble “I know it’s only the preseason but” to unleash their wildest and dumbest takes. “I know it…
Federal government opens distress hotline for Canadians forced to cheer for Oilers
OTTAWA – A new federal mental health initiative has seen the opening of a 24/7 distress hotline that will provide emergency support for Canadians who have been forced to cheer for the Oiler…
Hockey players shake hands, say there are no hard feelings about the permanent brain damage
MIAMI, FLORIDA – After an intensely violent hockey match, the Florida Panthers have formed a line to shake hands and assure their opponents, the Carolina Hurricanes, that they feel no resen…
Researchers warn Tim Horton’s in-app NHL Hockey Challenge is a gateway to drinking their coffee
HAMILTON, ON – Researchers are sounding alarm bells about the NHL Hockey Challenge on the Tim Hortons app, claiming the in-app fantasy hockey game is a ‘gateway’ that can lead users to drink the …
Leafs jersey thrown onto ice gets by Toronto’s defence and into the back of their net
TORONTO – A frustrated Maple Leafs fan threw their jersey onto the ice during a crushing 6-1 playoff defeat to the Florida Panthers, which the Leafs promptly allowed to slide past them and into t…
Rick Tocchet announced as NDP party leader
VANCOUVER – Just days after appointing MP Don Davies as their interim leader, the federal NDP have announced that the role will be permanently filled by Vancouver Canucks former head coach …
