VICTORIA – According to a groundbreaking new study from the University of Victoria, applying sunscreen drastically increases your chances of looking stupid. Researchers analyzed data from o…
Science and Technology
Newly separated astronomer discovers planet said to be capable of sustaining wife
TORONTO – A shocking announcement made earlier this week by recently single astronomer Dr. Larry Gradenfeld claims the discovery of a new planet in the Eagle Nebula that could potentially s…
Scientists successfully clone, ride wooly mammoth
WAKO, TOKYO, JAPAN – Scientists from Japan’s RIKEN Institute in greater Tokyo have successfully cloned a wooly mammoth for the purpose of being able to ride it. The still-growing fema…
Hyphen fails to become dash
TORONTO – While working late into the evening on an overdue philosophy essay using Microsoft Word, university student Michael Stefanescu’s hyphen failed to become a dash. “Lette…
Tornado hunter becomes the tornado hunted
SARNIA, ON – After taking the ‘Storm-mobile’ on a tour of Tornado Alley, local tornado hunter Jasper ‘Tornado’ Jackson says that his instincts tell him that he is “being stalked.” “I got to…
New Blackberry 10 allows users dozens of new ways to communicate about how shitty their Blackberry is
NEW YORK – Amid both fanfare and speculation about the device’s future, Research in Motion unveiled their new Blackberry 10 operating platform on Wednesday. The system, which will be availa…
Halo 4 giving gamer Call of Duty flashbacks
MANNING, AB – After sitting down to enjoy his recently purchased copy of Halo 4, local gamer Lucas Bordfeld began experiencing flashbacks to his days of game-play on the more realistic firs…
