STOCKHOLM, Sweden – Just hours after being recognized for their academic and scientific achievements, the 2016 Nobel Prize Laureates engaged in a violent brawl with the 2016 MacArthur Fello…
Science and Technology
Study: Yes you should become a DJ
KINGSTON – A recently published multidisciplinary research study at Queen’s University has concluded that yes, you should totally be a DJ. “We rated performance in a variety of categories, …
Scientists develop first Asian fusion reactor
TORONTO – For the first time ever, engineers at the University of Toronto have successfully built a scalable reactor capable of cold Asian fusion. “Make no mistake, this is the most importa…
New global climate report mostly just a bunch of fire emojis
Realizing that previous attempts to communicate the urgency of global climate change to the public have been ineffective, scientists have released a report that is mostly written in fire emojis. …
Mad scientist having trouble defending giant laser to grant application board
TORONTO – Despite its obvious practical uses, Dr. Vincent D. Ranged is experiencing some pushback from the grant board on his application for a giant laser. “Yes of course it’s essential fo…
Giant Panda removed from endangered list, added to food chain
BEIJING – After decades of conservation efforts experts in China have announced that the giant panda population has finally returned to a level at which they can now be consumed by humans a…
Report: 100% of wireless Apple headphones already lost between couch cushions
SAN FRANCISCO – Following today’s Apple keynote announcement of their iPhone 7 featuring new wireless headphones, Apple users have reported that 100% of the new “AirPods” have been lost in …
Scientists discover new, Earth-like planet for humanity to destroy
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Researchers at NASA this week announced the discovery of a new, Earth-like planet orbiting the star closest to the sun, which they say possesses physical properties condu…
Scientists don’t even bother to measure before declaring 2016 hottest summer ever
Asheville, N.C. – Saying it was too hot to do any work climate change researchers at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) have declared that they assume the summer of …
Bro scientists confirm world ‘pretty gay’
WOODBRIDGE, ON – Highlighting humanity’s continued effect on the global environment, the World Institute for Bro Sciences has confirmed the long disputed theory that the world is, in fact, …
