SUDBURY, ON – Shortly after producing a gun and screaming for everybody in the restaurant to get down on the ground, local armed robber Josh Radomsky is quietly asking servers for the Wi-Fi…
Science and Technology
Rebounding biodiversity: bison attacks are up 2,000%
WEST CREASE, AB – At one time reduced to a population of fewer than 600, Canadian populations of the Plains Bison have rebounded to the point where an unprecedented crisis of bison attacks …
E3 Update: Sneak booze past customs, save taxes in hotly anticipated Call of Duty Free
LOS ANGELES – Adding to an already impressive lineup that includes “Skylanders Academy” and “Overwatch,” video game giant Activision Publishing, Inc. has announced “Call of Duty Free,” a brand ne…
Introducing iCared, an app that will write your heartfelt celebrity death posts for you
PALO ALTO, CA – In response to a busy year of celebrity deaths, Google has announced the release of iCared, an app that allows users to instantly share unique, personal remembrances the moment a …
Man really needed boys’ night to take mind off climate change
TORONTO – A night out with the boys has proven to be just what local man Pouyan Shah needed to take his mind off of the biosphere’s ongoing collapse. “It was so great to just hang out with …
Mirror selfie ruined by grinning apparition
DEER CREVICE, ON – Despite weeks of working out and drinking protein shakes, local man Jared Allman’s attempts to take an attractive photograph of himself in the mirror are consistently rui…
Conservationists mourn loss of world’s last remaining untattooed line cook
VANCOUVER – Anthropologists and Conservationists around the world are mourning a drastic loss of human diversity after the death of Dave Laskowski, 54, reputed to be the last line cook livi…
Experts: your kids may be using internet to look up recipes containing gluten
TORONTO – Police and educators say that parents aren’t educating their children enough about internet use, and warn that a growing number of young people are using the internet to search fo…
News story about contaminated chocolate milk has local man really craving chocolate milk
TORONTO – A recent news story about recalled Beatrice chocolate milk being contaminated with sanitizers has local man Alex Hallman really craving chocolate milk. “Something something chemic…
For first time, computer wins game of chess against Death
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA – After defeating a human player in the game of Go, Google’s Deepmind AlphaGo computer has also become the first computer to win a game of chess against Death. “We’re thri…
