TORONTO – After fighting the urge for a full thirty seconds local man Geoffrey McLeod interrupted his colleague’s conversation about what a beautiful and warm day we were having in or…
Science and Technology
Scientists confirm we could just, like, be kind and love each other
MONTREAL – Scientists at McGill University have proven, using psychological studies, genetic research, and MRIs, that human beings could easily just take a chill pill and be generous to all…
Child’s New Year’s resolution to become ninja robot alarmingly successful
WINDSOR, ON – The parents of six-year-old Anthony Parker are both proud and shocked at the speed with which he achieved one of his New Year’s resolutions: “to become a big ninja robot.” Sou…
New York Times lists Canada as No. 1 place to boost their web traffic when mentioned
NEW YORK CITY – Citing our country’s friendly, yet susceptible people and our natural insecurity, The New York Times has described Canada as the number one country in the world to surge the…
New 2TB thumb drive allows users to store, misplace lifetime of memories
Fountain Valley, CA – Kingston Technology has developed a 2TB flash drive which can store a lifetime worth of memories before users misplace it somewhere in their house or at work. The Data…
Elon Musk introduces latest; large clock ominously counting down
We may never know the purpose behind Elon Musk’s latest invention.…
Exhausted conservationist just going to focus on keeping rats from extinction this year
TORONTO – After decades of work during the greatest mass extinction since the Cretaceous, local conservationist Delina Jones is just going to set herself an achievable goal for 2017, by kee…
New form of male birth control just a pastrami sandwich with extra onions
CALGARY – Researchers at the University of Calgary have developed the first effective form of oral male birth control: a pastrami sandwich with extra onions. “We’re not exactly sure how it …
Science Minister Kirsty Duncan terminates escaped specimen on floor of House of Commons
OTTAWA – Moments after an escaped lab specimen burst screeching through the House of Commons doors, Science Minister Kirsty Duncan has euthanized it, with the assistance of a double-barrell…
Facebook year in review video just pictures of things on fire
EDMONTON – Local woman Carly Everton has advised that the year in review photo album automatically generated by Facebook to make people feel nostalgic is showing her nothing but photos of t…
