PASADENA – Experts at the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory are stumped, and more than a little disturbed, by the cryptic laugh they received from the Cassini spacecraft in response to the sel…
Science and Technology
Apple’s latest iPhone disturbingly optimized for tiny, raccoon-sized hands
SAN FRANCISCO – With the traditional fanfare that accompanies all new Apple products, Apple has officially released the iPhone 8. The phone features faster processing speeds, an improved ca…
Local woman getting concerned after Facebook asks her how her father’s surgery went
VANCOUVER – Local woman Rachel Tremblay has become concerned Facebook is too familiar with her life, after the social media site asked her how her father’s kidney stone removal earlier toda…
Local man escapes allergy season by chopping off own head
Victoria, BC – Local man Liam Harris has managed to completely avoid the 2017 allergy season by using a large blade to remove his head. “Oh yeah, Liam looks great. No sniffling, no coughing…
Science win! Neil DeGrasse Tyson just destroyed this climate change denier by throwing him into a volcano
Just when you thought Neil DeGrasse Tyson couldn’t win the internet any harder, he outdoes himself. The astrophysicist and Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey host gets a lot of tweets from flat-earthers…
Facebook introduces painful memory notifications
SAN FRANCISCO- Facebook has announced that they are releasing a new feature that will give users “Painful Memory Notifications”, which the minds at Facebook say they have relentlessly gone throug…
Climate scientists seeking opinion of stupid idiot to complete study
OTTAWA – Scientists are nearing completion on another planet-wide study on climate change, but say they require the opinion of a “real stupid idiot” in order to complete their work. “We’ve …
NASA finally answers the big question: what gender is the Sun?
TORONTO – After years of speculation, scientists have finally answered the question that has plagued humanity for generations – whether the sun is a boy sun or a girl sun. “We’ve been worki…
Environmental Protection Agency gives forest new identity
OREGON – In order to preserve one of Oregon’s last remaining old growth forests, the EPA has transplanted the group of trees into a suburban neighbourhood, and given it a new identity and b…
Scientists discover new thing wrong with the female face
LOS ANGELES – In a press release this morning, the chemistry department at the University of California announced that they have discovered a completely new flaw in the female face. “The di…
