PLEASANTVIEW, AB – Tragedy hit a small residential neighbourhood today when the body of one of its residents was found having seemingly drowned in a swimming pool after being unable to find…
Science and Technology
Local time-traveler worried he’s becoming his father
MONTREAL, 1973 – Local scientist Carey Holton says as he grows older and travels more and more through time, he’s concerned that he’s becoming the one thing he said he never would: his fath…
Nuclear scientists move doomsday clock to “drinkin’ time”
CHICAGO, IL – In response to the new nuclear posture of the United States, along with the lack of evidence based decision making mechanisms in place, the members of the Bulletin of the Atom…
Silicon Valley tech bro accidentally reinvents the guillotine
San Francisco – A Silicon Valley startup is expressing regret today after realizing their groundbreaking smart device is a reinvention of the guillotine. “I didn’t realize I was inventing t…
Study confirms whatever you’re doing is great, everyone else is an idiot
CAMBRIDGE, MA – A new study released today by Harvard Medical School confirms what you already suspected: the things you are doing in life are great, and everyone else is an idiot. “Your ap…
Local mom summons Pinhead after completing Candy Crush Saga
LONDON, ON—The van der Kleij family is distraught after Linda, a stay-at-home mom of four, was forcibly removed to the Cenobite dimension after completing Candy Crush Saga. “She played that game …
Tesla’s new electric transport trucks able to travel up to 800 km on single charge while hauling 40,000 litres of oil
PALO ALTO, CA – As part of their continuing mission to create a green energy revolution, Tesla’s new line of electric transport trucks are said to be able to transport a full freight tank o…
Incredible! This dolphin learned our language to warn us about sharks
Will dolphins ever stop surprising us with their smarts? A dolphin has appeared just off the coast of BC with an impressive knowledge of the English language, which he used to desperately alert u…
Study: Rats don’t like it when scientists give them cancer
ST. CATHARINES – After years of clinical trials a group of researchers at Brock University have conclusively proven that rats do not enjoy being given cancer. “For as long as humanity has k…
Medical AI working as self-driving car after foreign credentials rejected
WATERLOO – After having its medical credentials rejected due to their overseas origin by professional health organizations, an artificial intelligence smart enough to be a doctor has only b…
