CAMBRIDGE, UK – Renowned physicist Stephen Hawking, considered by many to be the most intelligent man in the world, has died in this iteration of the universe, but sources from multiple oth…
Science and Technology
Facebook’s new algorithm to block fake news and pictures of Kim’s stupid fucking baby
MENLO PARK, CALIFORNIA – After continued criticisms about its role in the 2016 Election, Facebook’s CEO, Mark Zuckerberg announced that his company would be implementing a new algorithm to stop t…
Alexa accidentally transmits laughter from Amazon HQ to users
SEATTLE – Reports from multiple users that Alexa devices are randomly emitting laughter have been traced to a live microphone in the data harvesting centre of Amazon’s Seattle headquarters.…
Scientist who claimed universe is simulation found dead in swimming pool with no ladder
PLEASANTVIEW, AB – Tragedy hit a small residential neighbourhood today when the body of one of its residents was found having seemingly drowned in a swimming pool after being unable to find…
Local time-traveler worried he’s becoming his father
MONTREAL, 1973 – Local scientist Carey Holton says as he grows older and travels more and more through time, he’s concerned that he’s becoming the one thing he said he never would: his fath…
Nuclear scientists move doomsday clock to “drinkin’ time”
CHICAGO, IL – In response to the new nuclear posture of the United States, along with the lack of evidence based decision making mechanisms in place, the members of the Bulletin of the Atom…
Silicon Valley tech bro accidentally reinvents the guillotine
San Francisco – A Silicon Valley startup is expressing regret today after realizing their groundbreaking smart device is a reinvention of the guillotine. “I didn’t realize I was inventing t…
Study confirms whatever you’re doing is great, everyone else is an idiot
CAMBRIDGE, MA – A new study released today by Harvard Medical School confirms what you already suspected: the things you are doing in life are great, and everyone else is an idiot. “Your ap…
Local mom summons Pinhead after completing Candy Crush Saga
LONDON, ON—The van der Kleij family is distraught after Linda, a stay-at-home mom of four, was forcibly removed to the Cenobite dimension after completing Candy Crush Saga. “She played that game …
Tesla’s new electric transport trucks able to travel up to 800 km on single charge while hauling 40,000 litres of oil
PALO ALTO, CA – As part of their continuing mission to create a green energy revolution, Tesla’s new line of electric transport trucks are said to be able to transport a full freight tank o…
