CALGARY – It’s been a long, hard process of soul searching and self-reflection, but local internet user Grace Marsh isn’t complaining as she undertakes a complete overhaul of her opinions a…
Science and Technology
Black & Decker invents new leaf blower that works at times other than 6:30AM
TORONTO – In a technological breakthrough that is set to revolutionize the landscaping industry, scientists at Black and Decker have invented a leaf blower that is able to be operated after…
Apple unveils bold new keyboard design inspired by natural wonder known as class action lawsuit
CUPERTINO, CA – Apple has refreshed its high-end MacBook Pro laptop line this week, featuring a revolutionary new keyboard design that was inspired by the class action lawsuits filed agains…
“Antarctic ice loss has tripled,” says crumpled report in garbage bin in Exxon’s cocaine lounge
Irving, TX – Oil industry insiders say that an alarming climate change report has been received by one of the top waste baskets in Exxon’s largest narcotic lounge. “It is imperative that we…
New tech investment to put Waterloo at leading edge of being destroyed by malicious AI
WATERLOO – An exciting wave of tech industry investment is set to make Kitchener-Waterloo the Canadian hub of creating an uncontrollable line of code that goes on to wreak incalculable economic a…
NASA’s Curiosity rover finds evidence of nightlife on Mars
WASHINGTON, DC – NASA has announced that the Curiosity rover has recently discovered compelling evidence for the existence of nightlife on Mars, including but not limited to clubs, bars, an…
Embarrassed scientists reveal alien radio signal was actually meant for a planet behind us
Mountain View, CA—Astronomers at the SETI Institute have confirmed that a radio signal originated from an advanced alien civilization, but was intended for a different planet behind Earth. “This …
Air demonstration team bedazzles spectators with early 1960s technology
ANDERSON, SC – A thrilling spectacle unfolded over the skies of South Carolina on Sunday as the RCAF’s Snowbirds showcased their aircraft’s cutting-edge technology from the early 1960s. The…
Facebook dating algorithm to find the perfect match for your carefully curated online persona
SILICON VALLEY – Taking a break from helping the Russian government tamper with American elections, Facebook has pivoted into the dating sphere, utilizing their infamous data collection to …
Scientists discover renewable energy source in mediocre white men’s confidence
VANCOUVER, BC – Hundreds of years of privilege has transformed white male confidence into a pure, clean burning source of fuel, according to a study published by the University of British C…
