JASPER BC—According to sources close to the matter, primarily their quietly baffled cat, Muffins, Hannah Mitchell and Victor Chang successfully spent five straight hours on Friday date night refu…
Relationship
Woman really impressed by how much date knows about DraftKings
EDMONTON – Local woman Melissa Orlon has reported that she is “over the moon” and “soooo blown away” by the depth of familiarity, passion and expertise her date of last night had for the on…
Restaurant lets customer pick lobster they want to fuck
HALIFAX – To the delight of its longstanding customers, Jimmy’s Seafood and Steak Shack has recently installed a 200 galleon tank full of live lobsters so customers can have their pick of which o…
With pickleball surging in popularity, we tested which paddles are also good for spanking
TORONTO – Pickleball is one of Canada’s fastest growing sports, with its estimated 1.37 million players representing a massive increase over the eight people who played when the sport was last su…
Boys Trip! This Uber Share is all dudes
MONTREAL, QC – It was a typical Friday night for Kenneth McPherson as he called a 2 A.M. Uber Share on Montreal’s nightlife-ridden St. Lawrence street. Little did he know, 3 blocks away, on…
Conservative pundit decries rising divorce rate in his house
OTTAWA – Right wing pundit and columnist Hank Vrinden has entered into the increasingly heated conversation among conservative activists and commentators about the breakdown of traditional …
Report: New girlfriend excited to use your relationship for TikTok content
MONTREAL – After extensively researching and logging the online activity and social media history of your new girlfriend Melanie, scientists at the University of McGill have concluded that …
Tinder guy concerned after photo of woman reveals she has physical body
Tinder, iPhone – Local Tinder user Mack Smith has reconsidered messaging a woman on Tinder after seeing concerning photos hinting that she might occupy physical space. “I saw the name ‘Vero…
Threesome rescheduled again
EDMONTON – Following yet another scheduling conflict, local couple Gregory and Alexia Carter have once again had to postpone their threesome with mutual friend Taylor Long. “We’ve been trying to …
Childless Millennial couple announces plans to get really into Halloween this year
BARRIE, ON – Tyler and Sarah Kergin, a happily childless local couple, has always enjoyed Halloween. But yesterday they told reporters that they plan to “pull out like ALL the stops” this O…
