TORONTO – Canadian media outlets have entered day 7 of their expert trial reporting that gets the facts on exactly what Marie Henein is wearing and how good she looks while wearing it. “She…
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Aviation museum recalls Canada’s fighter jets from ISIS conflict
OTTAWA – The national museum dedicated to the historic study of Canadian flight has recalled six CF-18s that were being used in the fight against the Islamic State. “We were happy to loan t…
Don Cherry hospitalized after Cold-FX overdose
TORONTO – Sports personality and Canadian fashion icon Don Cherry has been hospitalized after overdosing on Cold-FX, a supplement said to prevent cold and flu infections that he has been th…
CBC installs Schitt’s Creek advertisement behind nation’s eyelids
TORONTO – With the second season of Schitt’s Creek in full swing, the CBC has ramped up its promotion of the show to even greater levels, by holding open the eyelids of every Canadian and a…
Slow Canadian takeover of U.S. going according to plan
OTTAWA – In a dark, shadowy bunker deep beneath Parliament Hill, an assembled group of Canada’s top politicians, businesspeople, and spymasters known as the True North Society have expressed cryp…
Ghomeshi’s confidence evaporates as he sees trial judge is Billy Bob Thornton
TORONTO – Tensions ran high during the first day of the Jian Ghomeshi trial, after a last minute change of judge saw the Honourable Justice Billy Bob Thornton presiding. “Would you look who…
Liberals add clause to Bill C-51 asking terrorists not to attack us
OTTAWA – After promising to “undo” many of the controversial elements in the Conservative anti-terror legislation, the Liberal government has announced that it will actually add a new claus…
Nation emerges from January depression just in time to enter February blahs
NATIONWIDE – After spending the last month in seasonally-affected misery, the nation has emerged, just in time to also spend the next month in a complete funk. “Thank god this bout of depre…
Conservatives say legalized weed really relieves the stress of being Conservative
OTTAWA – In a surprising policy shift, interim Conservative leader Rona Ambrose now says her party supports the legalization of marijuana, citing the drug’s ability to take the edge off of the st…
