BRANDON, MB – Worried about immigration from ‘The Middle East’, local man Todd Morton fears Canadian culture may be destroyed by people from a part of the world that invented pretty much ev…
National
Nation’s dads issue collective “OPA!” after plate dropped in restaurant
MISSISSAUGA, ON – In response to the accidental dropping and breaking of a plate by a server at a Mississauga Kelsey’s earlier today, the nation’s dads have publicly issued a collective “OP…
Inspiring! Trudeau promises to raise cap on private refugee sponsorship by 1 for every 1000 retweets he gets
OTTAWA – If you think nobody in the world is trying to stop Trump you’re wrong! Justin Trudeau has just tweeted that for every 1000 retweets he gets he’ll raise the cap on private refugee s…
McDonald’s unveils all-day breakfast in Canada to stress-test healthcare system
TORONTO – McDonald’s Canada announced today that it will begin serving all-day breakfast in order to stress-test the country’s socialized healthcare system. The menu will feature a selectio…
How Canada Lowers It’s Sexual Assault Numbers
Emma uncovers the disturbing way Canada makes itself seem like a safe country for women. Full story: http://www.thecomedynetwork.ca/Shows/TheBeaverton.…
200,000 liters of wind and solar power spilled on indigenous land in Saskatchewan
STOUGHTON, SK – Nearly a quarter million liters of crude sunlight and wind have spilled from a renewable energy pipeline on indigenous land southeast of Regina. “The pipeline was shut down …
‘Will the two of you please shut up’ – an open letter to Kevin O’Leary and Kathleen Wynne from the Beaverton
Dear Mr. O’Leary and Premier Wynne, Having had the opportunity to review your recent “open letters” to each other, we at the Beaverton have decided to write our own open letter to the two of you,…
Air Canada unveils new oxygen mask fee
“Passengers are welcome to forgo the fee and simply pass out.” New episode of The Beaverton this Wednesday at 10pm EST on Comedy!…
Single piece of Canadian news drags its bloody, mangled carcass onto local man’s Facebook feed
MONTREAL – After barely managing to get onto the front page of the CBC website, a single piece of Canadian news has, against all odds, managed to find its way onto local man Jared Pulver’s …
Breaking: Trudeau loses only black friend
OTTAWA – Sources close to the PM say Justin Trudeau is heartbroken by Trump’s inauguration, as it means he will no longer be in close contact with his only “diverse” friend: U.S. President …
