OTTAWA – Having written their last judgement and heard their final appeal for the year, the nine honourable members of Canada’s highest court spent last week preparing to enter their …
National
Even Satan impressed by Salvation Army theft
HELL – The news of David Rennie’s involvement in the scandalous theft of $2 million worth of toys from the Salvation Army, a charitable organization for which he served as president, has im…
No one has the heart to tell Justin Trudeau the Liberal party no longer exists
As Justin Trudeau continues his tour around the country, seeking to inspire Liberal Party members’ hearts and minds as his father did some 42 years ago, no one has yet worked up the courage…
Nation wakes up to grim reality that Barack Obama is not President of Canada
CANADA – A disillusioned nation woke up this week to the grim reality that Barack Obama’s re-election victory does not make him the President of Canada. “Wait, oh yeah,” the collective thou…
Unpatriotic baby cries throughout moment of silence
OTTAWA – Showing what witnesses agree was a complete lack of respect for the Canadian soldiers who lost their lives protecting our nation from foreign threats, an unpatriotic infant cried d…
Unemployed Knight mourns the collapse of Canada’s questing industry
SIOUX LOOKOUT, ON – Sir Armaunthat de Soulecoute, 34, of Sioux Lookout, Ontario, described the collapse of Canada’s questing industry as a ‘tragedy of the commons’ to a gathering of the pre…
Existence of nuclear waste facility under Parliament denied by Peter Kent’s left head
OTTAWA – During question period yesterday, Minister for the environment Peter Kent’s other head was once again forced to deny the existence of an illegal nuclear waste dump beneath th…
Statistical illiteracy at all-time high of 124%
OTTAWA – Statistics Canada today released the results of a damning online survey concerning Canadians’ comprehension of basic statistics. Out of 33 million Canadians, nearly 41 million Cana…
Marineland CEO won’t get puppy until he proves he can take care of fish
NIAGARA FALLS, ON – Ontario’s Humane Society announced yesterday they were denying Marineland C.E.O., John Holer’s application to adopt a 2-month-old Dalmatian puppy he had planned on namin…
