Police rescued Joe Oliver from a locked car this afternoon after staffers left the Canadian Finance Minister unattended for three hours. “I’d thought I would only be gone for 10 minutes max,” sai…
National
Stephen Harper discovers he’s related to Palestinians
OTTAWA – After conducting a DNA ethnic profile, Prime Minister Stephen Harper has learned that he has Palestinian roots. The Prime Minister had decided to take the test after spending hours…
Anti-spam legislation prompts new program to retrain penis enlargement spammers for door-to-door service
OTTAWA – Canada’s new anti-spam legislation has put thousands of penis enlargement spammers out of work, prompting a new workers’ rights group to start a campaign to retrain the…
Canadian refugee illegally obtains what she calls ‘insulin’ so she won’t ‘die’
OTTAWA – A refugee who fled a war zone has been caught illegally obtaining what she calls a ‘life-saving medication’ for a condition called ‘diabetes’ so she won’t ‘die’. Shukriya Hanan, a …
Economic Action Plan signage most preferred insulation for homeless shanty towns
OTTAWA – After five years and more than $100 million of investments, advertisements for Canada’s Economic Action Plan have succeeded in becoming the material of choice when homeless Canadia…
Calgary Stampede hot dogs made from last year’s chuckwagon race losers
CALGARY – Spectators at this year’s Calgary Stampede can now enjoy a variety of hot dogs, sausages and hamburgers made entirely from the horses who lost last year’s chuckwagon races. “Many …
Iqaluit hoping massive dump fire will alert rest of nation to perpetual, massive dump fire
IQALUIT — As of earlier today, local officials were hoping that the city’s massive dump fire, which has been raging for more than six weeks now, will act as a distress signal alerting the federal…
Paul Bernardo’s fiancée: He’s not that creepy by online dating standards
LONDON, ON – Convicted serial killer Paul Bernardo’s fiancée confirmed today that he was the least creepy man she had met online. “Since he can only access the prison computer for an hour a…
Globe and Mail fence actually just to keep Margaret Wente out
TORONTO – After a chain-link fence was spotted under construction outside their headquarters, The Globe and Mail issued a statement clarifying that the fence was merely the latest tactic th…
TransCanada reaches out to teens with new Keystone bitumen halfpipe line
ALBERTA – In an attempt to win over the youthful protest groups throughout Canada and the USA, today the TransCanada Corporation announced a new massive halfpipe line and accompanying skate…
