OTTAWA – Citizenship Minister Chris Alexander has declared all women wearing Lululemon pants will be prohibited from taking their citizenship oath stating that the pants clearly cover up th…
National
Halifax, nation relieved to hear mass shooting plot was planned by white people and not terrorists
HALIFAX – A concerned community and country were sighing in relief yesterday after authorities confirmed the suspects involved in plot to kill as many innocent people as possible were just …
Unemployed Sun News commentators quickly change opinion on employment insurance
TORONTO – Recently laid off Sun News Network commentators have strangely reversed their negative views towards the country’s employment insurance system. “I know over the past few years I’v…
12 cases where doctors will not assist suicide
Last week, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled that physician assisted suicide can be legal in specific cases. Here are some reasons in which you cannot elect to end your life early. 1. As a cure f…
Vancouver homeless man glad Tim Hortons owner doused him in water instead of shitty coffee
VANCOUVER – A homeless man who was doused by water by a Tim Hortons owner is relieved at not having been exposed to the chain’s brown caffeinated water. “Sure, I’ve suffered the indignity of havi…
Study: 30% of Millennials already squatting in their dream homes
MONTREAL – A new study from McGill shows that Canada’s economy may be bouncing back, finding that nearly one-third of Millennials are already illegally living in million, or multimill…
Trudeau forgets to google ‘Eve Adams’ before welcoming her into Liberal Party
OTTAWA – Liberal Leader Justin Trudeau failed to conduct a google search on former Conservative MP Eve Adams before allowing her to cross the floor into the Liberal Party. “Oh, shit!” a wid…
Harper calls for doctor-assisted suicide of Supreme Court justices
OTTAWA – After a Supreme Court ruling that will permit doctor-assisted suicide for terminally ill patients, Stephen Harper has agreed and will first start with the Supreme Court justices. “…
Terrorists applaud anti-terror legislation for eroding much-hated freedom
OTTAWA – Militant Islamic groups from around the world have applauded Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s recently passed anti-terror legislation for chipping away at the Western-democ…
Canada Post replaces community mailboxes with single, massive country mailbox
THOMPSON – All Canadians will now be required to pick up their mail at a giant community mailbox located just outside of Thompson, Manitoba, Canada Post reports. Canada’s new and only mailb…
