TORONTO – After a series of false bomb threats made against WestJet flights, Air Canada is requesting more threats be made against its own aircraft as an alibi for its poor service. “We are…
National
Stephen Harper slams current government for mishandling economy
OTTAWA – With the 2015 election just around the corner, Stephen Harper has launched a major political offensive, lambasting the current government for its mismanagement of the nation’s fina…
Harper visited by the ghosts of Canada Day past, present, and future
OTTAWA – Earlier today, Prime Minister Stephen Harper held a press conference to announce that he had been visited by the Canada Day spirits of past, present, and future as he tried to slee…
Invasive homo sapiens species meet at forestry conference to discuss pine beetles
VANCOUVER – The world’s most destructive and invasive creature to its ecosystem, homo sapien sapiens, have convened a conference to discuss the spread of pine beetles. Certain members of th…
Dean Del Mastro to be stripped of citizenship as soon as a country agrees to take him in
OTTAWA — The prime minister’s office announced on Thursday that former Conservative MP and Harper spokesman Dean Del Mastro, who had just been sentenced to a month in jail for violating the Canad…
Workplace injuries up 300% after implementing new ergonomic trampoline desks
TORONTO – Ace Marketing, a mid-sized advertising agency located in Toronto, has suffered a three-fold increase in workplace injuries after switching out their usual sitting desks for a Swed…
Ancient footprint reveals earliest evidence of humans stepping in dog shit
Calvert Island, BC – Researchers at UBC have uncovered possibly the earliest evidence of humans accidentally stepping in dog shit in North America. The turd, which has been radiocarbon date…
Michael Chan accused of holding office while being non-white
TORONTO – Earlier this week CSIS accused Michael Chan, the Ontario Minister of Citizenship, Immigration and International Trade, of holding office while not being white. “Sure, when we made…
Report: Canadian General biologically wired to ignore sexual assault
OTTAWA – Chief of Defence Staff General Tom Lawson has a reportedly innate desire to overlook and dismiss the sexual assault and harassment within the Canadian Armed Forces. “It’s not my fa…
Aboriginal tribe using new immigration law to deport all white people
OTTAWA – Following the passage of bill C-24, the Strengthening Canadian Citizenship Act, which gives the government powers to revoke citizenship and deport recent immigrants who have been c…
