VANCOUVER – The world’s most destructive and invasive creature to its ecosystem, homo sapien sapiens, have convened a conference to discuss the spread of pine beetles. Certain members of th…
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Dean Del Mastro to be stripped of citizenship as soon as a country agrees to take him in
OTTAWA — The prime minister’s office announced on Thursday that former Conservative MP and Harper spokesman Dean Del Mastro, who had just been sentenced to a month in jail for violating the Canad…
Workplace injuries up 300% after implementing new ergonomic trampoline desks
TORONTO – Ace Marketing, a mid-sized advertising agency located in Toronto, has suffered a three-fold increase in workplace injuries after switching out their usual sitting desks for a Swed…
Ancient footprint reveals earliest evidence of humans stepping in dog shit
Calvert Island, BC – Researchers at UBC have uncovered possibly the earliest evidence of humans accidentally stepping in dog shit in North America. The turd, which has been radiocarbon date…
Michael Chan accused of holding office while being non-white
TORONTO – Earlier this week CSIS accused Michael Chan, the Ontario Minister of Citizenship, Immigration and International Trade, of holding office while not being white. “Sure, when we made…
Report: Canadian General biologically wired to ignore sexual assault
OTTAWA – Chief of Defence Staff General Tom Lawson has a reportedly innate desire to overlook and dismiss the sexual assault and harassment within the Canadian Armed Forces. “It’s not my fa…
Aboriginal tribe using new immigration law to deport all white people
OTTAWA – Following the passage of bill C-24, the Strengthening Canadian Citizenship Act, which gives the government powers to revoke citizenship and deport recent immigrants who have been c…
Canada commits to eleventy percent drop in carbon emissions by year zero-one-infinity
OTTAWA – In a dramatic announcement that will certainly have a huge impact on the economy and environment, Stephen Harper and his government have announced they will enforce policies design…
CSIS: “C-51 will help us defeat the enemies we plan to invent”
OTTAWA – With Bill C-51 now passed into law, the Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS) has stated it will use its new powers to defeat civilian groups, charities, and political orga…
Evan Solomon fired for having a really boring, sexless scandal
TORONTO – CBC journalist and host of Power and Politics Evan Solomon was fired today after the CBC determined that his scandal was far too dull and lacked a sufficient amount of sex, drugs …
