VANCOUVER – After twenty minutes of interesting and flirtatious conversation, local man Andrew Chen believes his date to be going pretty well, unaware of the fact that a red dot has been ho…
Local
Friend never figured Dave for kind of guy to be killed by vampire hunter
WINDSOR, ON – Following the destruction of his friend Dave at the hands of a vampire slayer this afternoon, local man Mark Fresno has expressed mild surprise at the manner of his friendR…
Local man wears new $500 suit to interview for unpaid internship
MONTREAL – After spending most of his savings on a new blue pinstripe suit and pressed white-collared shirt, recent graduate Lewis Carlson feels he has a shot at getting an unpaid internshi…
Heroic man saves woman from having to read book on subway
TORONTO – Local man Chris Reuben is a hero today after his quick thinking and intervention saved Louisa Valdez from reading her book on the subway. “When I saw the book I knew I only had se…
UPDATE: Squirrel still deciding if it should finish crossing road
WILLOWDALE, ON – Traffic on a Willowdale street is still at a standstill, as a local squirrel decides if it should finish crossing the road or go back the way it came. According to reports,…
Clown car careens off cliff, hundreds dead
TORONTO – Tragedy struck the 401 Express today as a car carrying several clowns careened off of a steep embankment while en route to the upcoming Oshawa Clown Festival. First responder Alex Hinds…
Rebel goes to bed without wearing her retainer
NORTH BAY, ON — In what is being called a rebellious act of defiance of society’s rules, 17-year-old Sarah Elea has gone to sleep without wearing her orthodontic retainer. The inciden…
Loudmouth spoils ending to World War II
SPOILER ALERT: World War II in Colour ANTIGONISH, NS — Local man Jacob Morley is infuriated after the ending of the Second World War was revealed to him while in the middle of watching a do…
Human Rights Commission awards atheist $14,000 for being repeatedly “blessed” after sneezing
TORONTO — A Markham man was awarded $14,000 by the Ontario Human Rights Commission and forced his co-workers to apologize after he was “politely proselytized” at his workplace whenever he s…
London, Ontario named 2nd best London for 161st straight year
LONDON – London, Ontario Mayor Matt Brown shuffled hesitantly to a podium this Wednesday to announce that his city once again failed to capture the title of best London on Earth. This is the 161s…
