TORONTO – In what she is calling ‘the opportunity of a lifetime’, local actor Cassidy Ambrose has been asked to play the role of an employee who has twice as much responsibility, and makes …
Local
Report: Looks like that monk wasn’t the cool, fighting kind
HALIFAX – Witnesses to the brutal street beatdown of a monk say that, if they weren’t sure before they certainly were now, he almost definitely doesn’t know any sort of martial art. “Oh cra…
Expectant father just hoping for ten fingers, ten toes, one penis
FLIN FLON, MB – When local father-to-be Ron Martin was asked whether he was hoping for a boy or a girl, he gave his standard response. “I only want it to be healthy,” he said in a recent in…
Breaking: Dave starts 4th attempt at moustache
WINNIPEG – Multiple eyewitnesses have reported that Dave is trying to grow a moustache again. Although initial reports were mixed upon further inspection of photographic evidence, experts a…
Sarnia City Council passes bylaw requiring mayor to wear dog muzzle
SARNIA, ON – In a move that escalates the sanctions against the Mayor of Sarnia, city council passed a by-requiring the Mayor Mike Bradley to wear a dog muzzle when he’s within 50 meters of…
Breaking: orgy house forgot about trick-or-treaters again
Abbotsford, B.C. – After swearing they weren’t going to make the same mistake this year, Jim and Marlene Smith once again scheduled their big fall orgy to take place on the same night as Ha…
Boy who identifies as female told not to dress as a girl by male judge wearing a gown
MEDICINE HAT, AB – A 5-year old trans girl has been told not to dress as a girl in public by a male judge wearing a gown. Judge Martin Cromwell, who oversaw the custody case in family court…
Thought of ice cream gets man through another day
WINNIPEG – Local man Gregory Myers has made it through another goddamn day of this thing we call life, mainly by thinking about ice cream. “It can be hard to get up in the morning, knowing …
Crybaby Craig can’t handle spicy dip
THUNDER BAY, ON — That insufferable whiner Craig had yet another complaint for party hosts Tim and Samantha, Saturday night, when Craig tried their beloved spicy feta dip. “OoOoooOoo…” repo…
Dad fondly remembers faxing dick pic to Mom
BARRIE, ON – During a recent celebration for their 20th wedding anniversary, Barb and Fred Lynch finally shared the touching story of how a faxed dickpic cemented their relationship with th…
