VANCOUVER – A lot of people think that true Christmas spirit is nowhere to be found, but those people haven’t met the Brown family – Arthur, Ellen, Trevor, and Caitlin – who sti…
Local
Elf on the Shelf kills family of three
MONCTON — Mere weeks after welcoming Jingle to their home Doug Betterman, his wife Shauna and their 7-year-old son Jayden were brutally slain by the Elf on the Shelf. The bodies (and the elf) wer…
Nobody sure who gave Secret Santa gift of incriminating photographs
CALGARY – Nobody at the office is sure who gave Jake from accounting the thoughtful, but very unwanted Christmas gift of high-quality photographs that could destroy his professional and per…
Local mall Santa goes above and beyond, pretends he didn’t fight in Afghanistan
BURNABY, BC – Performing the role with grace and feeling, local man Connor McKenzie has never once in his time as a mall Santa let on that he fought for three years as part of the American-led c…
Woman home for holidays gears up to pretend to know how to hold a baby in front of other women
STRATFORD, ON — With the holiday season just around the corner, happily childless woman Laura Keller has been preparing for the inevitable moment when a baby will be thrust into her arms under th…
Breaking: Sleeping man unaware of oncoming traffic
VANCOUVER – On his drive from West Van to Burnaby, experienced commuter Richard Blair has fallen into a deep sleep and is completely oblivious of several rapidly approaching vehicles. “Holy…
Local woman stuck in endless “lather, rinse, repeat” recursive hair-washing loop
SHERBROOKE, QC – Closely following the instructions on a bottle of Garnier Fructis Volume Extend Fortifying shampoo that reads “lather, rinse, repeat,” a local woman is stuck in a never-end…
String quartet charged after hotel room refurbished
OTTAWA – Following their sold out concert in the Nation’s Capital, notorious chamber music band The Opus Four have be heavily fined for tastefully redecorating their room at the Marriott. A…
Horse Cop thought this job would involve more jousting
HALIFAX – In his first week as the newest member of the Halifax Regional Police’s mounted unit, Constable Grayson DeLuca demonstrated all the passion for community service that has defined his 7 …
Utensil formerly known as “The Good Knife” stripped of title
RED DEER – Stunning observers in the Stephenson kitchen, The Good Knife has unceremoniously been forced to relinquish its title. The shocking loss of status occurred yesterday before dinner…
