Sudbury, ON – Observers report that local crackpot Fred Lewis is at it again, insisting to anyone who will listen that eight rich men somehow own more of the world than the 3.5 billion poor…
Local
Insufferable beer snob to become insufferable weed snob
TORONTO – With the approaching legalization of cannabis, local beer snob Timothy Davis is excited to develop a condescending attitude about marijuana. “Much like Belgian beers, I think that…
Evidence piling up gender neutral bathroom actually broom closet
TORONTO — Patrons of Toronto’s Tito’s Tacqueria say it’s becoming increasingly clear that the establishment’s gender neutral bathroom is actually a repurposed broom closet. “There is, like,…
Content creator really loves creating content
TORONTO – Social media ingénue, Grace Codrington, says she creates content not for fame or money, but simply because she loves doing so. “I live and breathe content creation,” Codrington sa…
Shark pressed up against aquarium glass fascinated by wonders of human life
TORONTO—Reports show that Freddie, a 2-year old tiger shark at Ripley’s Aquarium, has pressed himself up against the glass to get a closer look at the incredible spectacle of human life playing o…
Bored shark eats terrible surfer just because he’s there
Tofino, BC – Continuing a weekend-long binge, a local shark bored-ate a terrible surfer Monday morning. “I wasn’t hungry, to be honest,” the shark said as he bit open a bottle of pepto bism…
8th grader on overnight trip declares, “What happens in Old Quebec City, stays in Old Quebec City”
QUEBEC CITY – Thirteen year old southern Ontario student, Curtis Kiff, drew up big plans raise hell for his four day class trip to Old Quebec City. “I really need this to get away from it a…
Glowing red dot still at large, warn cat detectives
TORONTO – The Metropolitan Feline Police Force is warning cats that, despite their best investigative efforts, the suspect known only as “the glowing red dot” has yet to be captured. “The g…
Friend has more body hair than expected
CALGARY – Reports coming from inside the Goodlife changing room on Heritage Meadows Way are indicating that work friend turned squash partner David Cook has a lot more hair on his back, sho…
Ghost of John A. Macdonald taps broken keg in Canada Day weekend miracle
Georgian Bay, ON – After a poorly thrown football knocked their only keg onto some rocks, guests at the rented Georgian Bay party cottage were shocked by both the sudden appearance of John …
