FLORIDA – Earlier today, dozens of fraternity brothers from Alpha Kappa Phi braved the pounding surf and formed a human chain in a daring rescue effort to reach a beer cooler swept out to s…
Local
Graduating couple’s long distance relationship for sure going to last
EDMONTON – Philip Diiks and Jenn Roe, recent graduates preparing to move on and start their life, are confident that their relationship will only be strengthened by living 2000 km from each…
Local toddler couldn’t give a shit how many times parents saved his life today
OAKVILLE, ON – Leaping off the armrest of a recliner and just barely being caught by his mother mid-air, inches away from making impact with the hardwood floor, local two-year-old Ben Marte…
Friends hold emergency meeting after Sarah starts dating longboarder
MONTREAL – The friends of Sarah called an emergency meeting yesterday after receiving confirmation that she was in fact dating a longboarder. “Order. Order everyone!” said Sarah’s bff and founder…
Kid not allowed to eat candy reports apples ‘fun snack’
TORONTO- Biting into cut up pieces of honeycrisp prepared by his health conscious parents, local six year old, Thurman Jackson, made news this week after officially declaring apples a “fun snack.…
DEVELOPING: Frightened man claims to have seen a “G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g”
COBWEB CREEK, AB – Early reports are surfacing that after exploring the creepy abandoned house overlooking Cobweb Creek, a terrified man has come running down the driveway, claiming to have…
Kingston man unable to repair home due to downed tree’s heritage status
KINGSTON, ON – A Kingstonian man has been unable to repair the damage to his home after a heritage-designated tree fell on top of it during a storm. The 223-year-old protected fir tree was …
27 year-old who hasn’t woken up before 9:30am in 8 years thinks he could run farm if society crumbles
VANCOUVER – Despite never waking up with the sunrise in his entire life, local 27 year-old Jamie Pasternak believes that he could own and operate a farm if Canadian society ever collapsed i…
Local man has soul removed to make room for more opinions
Timmins, ON – After years on a wait list, local man Paul Sutton is safely recovering from the surgical removal of his soul, which has allowed him to hold over 70 more opinions. “There’s sti…
Local man enjoying summer romance with single pair of board shorts
Brampton, ON — According to sources, local man Dustin Rassmore is in the throes of a summer-long romance with his sole pair of summer bottoms, a pair of turquoise Hurley board shorts. 25-year-old…
