WELLINGTON, ON – After pressing send and immediately seizing in shock, local landscaper, Richard Blendell, 31, was found last Tuesday in his apartment, suspended in time and space having ac…
Local
Local megalomaniac withholds “like” from Facebook acquaintance
MONTREAL — This past Sunday afternoon, local maniac Sherman Argyle flaunted his mighty influence by refusing to like the photo of a Facebook acquaintance. Reports show that Argyle, drunk with pow…
Masked crimefighter honestly not sure why he thought child sidekick would help
METRO CITY – Costumed adventurer the Crimson Revenger is at a loss to explain why he thought a masked child would be any help in fighting the city’s violent criminal underbelly. The child s…
Guy you played summer hockey with in 2005 has some thoughts on your anti-nazi facebook post
Orangeville, ON – Sources are indicating that Steve, one of the guys who played on a Summer Hockey team with you for three months back in 2005, disagrees with your facebook post condemning …
Woman with rare genetic disorder can only regulate her body temperature by complaining about the heat
VANCOUVER – As temperatures continue to remain high over large sections of Canada, Vancouverite Cheryl McCloud is keeping cool the only way she can: complaining. “It’s not that I enjoy comp…
Study: Yes, you are too old to start learning karate
HAMILTON – After years of study, including extensive human trials and multiple data analysis models, a team of researchers at McMaster University have concluded that you are in fact to old …
Tortured artist actually lives very nice life
MONTREAL, QC- After waking up in the afternoon for the eighth day in a row and taking out a hand rolled cigarette from the back pocket of his $380 jeans while looking out over his downtown loft b…
Man baffled his personal experience isn’t the universal human experience
WINDSOR, ON – After 32 years of intimately unique memories, local man Daniel Hagedorn is still unable to comprehend that his lived-in personal experience is not the universal human experien…
Mom embarrasses son by whipping out old album full of dick pics
WINDSOR – A proud local mother embarrassed her son yesterday evening, when she showed his new girlfriend an album full of his old dick pics. “I get it, she’s proud of me,” said Timothy Henr…
Newborn rates life 7 out of 10
LOCAL HOSPITAL – Little miracle, Jennifer Robins Hughes, weighing 5.5 lbs, who just moments ago passed through her mother’s birth canal, has given existence a lacklustre 7 out of 10. “It’s good, …
