LAVAL, QC – Early reports show that just when you thought you had even less to talk about with your friend, she has decided to go all in on home-brewing kombucha. Instead of buying a packag…
Local
Mistrial declared after judge found to be three children in judicial gown
WINDSOR, ON – An Ontario courtroom was thrown into turmoil today after it was discovered that the presiding judge was in fact three children hiding under a judicial gown. The children, aged…
Louis C.K. scandal only thing keeping local man from jerking off at work right this very second
PETERBOROUGH–Reports have confirmed that the recent scandal around beloved comedian Louis C.K.’s behavior is the one and only thing keeping local man Rick Ergin from rubbing one out at work…
Dead body not as exciting as group of ten year olds thought it would be
Abbotsford B.C. – After embarking on a series of misadventures on their search for a rumoured corpse, local children Luke Fecks, Talbi Singh and Kyle Dobbs, were ultimately underwhelmed by …
Children to remember local father as constantly tired
FREDERICTON, NB – Local father Andrew Stevens is, according to everyone who knows him, an excellent father who gets the privilege of spending a lot of quality time with his two children, Hu…
“I know exactly how to fix America” claims teenager who just watched Fight Club for the first time
COCHRANE, AB – Local teen Ryan Killicky claims that he has the answer of how to fix the massive social and political turmoil occurring within the United States, and that the solution lies w…
Report: Lone hair on woman’s otherwise bare chin won’t give up
MONCTON, NB – In what is shaping up to be a tale of triumph and resilience, a lone hair on the otherwise bare chin of local woman, Gillian Scholl, shows no signs of giving up. The 41-year-old dis…
Emotionally unavailable boyfriend cries as sports legend retires
BROCKVILLE, ON – Reports this evening indicate that 27-year-old Dillon Carsaw, who up until now has shown little to no sign of emotional affection towards others, has spent the past two hou…
Demolition of community centre proceeds after rich developer proves to be amazing breakdancer
VANCOUVER – Despite efforts by local b-boy collective Kozmik Katz, and their age-old rivals the Zero-G Crew, to join forces and save their community centre through breakdancing, demolition …
Woman on date chooses to ignore red flag of water served in old salsa jar
PETERBOROUGH, ON – Arriving at her date’s home on a dinner invitation, Cynthia Masterson, 22, has reportedly decided to ignore the first glaring red flag of being offered a glass of water o…
