RICHMOND, B.C. – After seven years, local man Gary Alonzo still wakes up in a cold sweat, traumatized by the memory of that time he accidentally greeted someone he thought was his friend Je…
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Vancouver mayor won’t run for re-election because he can no longer afford to live in Vancouver
VANCOUVER – After ten years as Vancouver’s mayor, Gregor Robertson has announced he will not be running for re-election because he can’t afford to live in the city anymore. “I love Vancouve…
Magnanimous man takes break from thinking about himself to think about those who might benefit him
Red Deer, AB – Red Deer resident Patrick Stoara took a brief respite from thinking about himself to think about those who might be able to help him in some way. “With social media we live i…
Local father mentions ethnicity of everyone in story for some reason
KINGSTON — While telling an anecdote about work to his children, local father George Stelling managed to specify the ethnicity of every person in the story for reasons unknown to anyone lis…
Dad approaches Home Depot employee like a well versed pick-up artist
ETOBICOKE – In what was an entirely nonsexual but definitely premeditated act, reports indicate that local father Peter Edwards, 55, approached Home Depot employee Garrett Sims, 22, with th…
Census data confirms households with children don’t care who started it, just apologize to your sister
OTTAWA – After analyzing the most recent Census data, Statistics Canada confirms that families with children under twelve years old aren’t in the mood to hear any of it, so just apologize t…
Stupid dumb idiot signs Tuesday morning email “Have a great weekend”
CALGARY – Demonstrating he’s a complete embarrassment to himself, a stupid, dumb idiot reportedly signed off on a work email on Tuesday morning with the tagline “Have a great weekend!” desp…
Locals finally notice restaurant has just been playing Styx’s ‘Styx’ on repeat for 20 years
FORT ERIE – Over the course of an extended brunch date at local institution Ted’s Fine Dining, one couple has discovered the only music that has been played at the restaurant during its 23 years …
Pedicurist admits “Your feet are the grossest feet I’ve ever seen”
VANCOUVER, BC- After almost two straight hours, aesthetician Pia Montibaldi, the woman currently giving you a pedicure, has officially admitted, “Yes, your feet are the grossest feet I have ever …
Local family celebrates daughter’s first training bra with ceremonial distancing of father
ST. CATHARINES, ON. – In a tradition dating back centuries, a local family’s youngest daughter, Dana Black, has been gifted her first training bra, a moment which is immediately followed by…
