Salmon Arm, BC – Local resident Tobias Efinggs is praising a recent mediation course as truly helping him to be more mindful and live in the terrible, awful present. “I used to spend my tim…
Local
History buff not old enough to have lived through any meaningful history
OTTAWA – Young history fanatic Eric Guzan spent yet another day bemoaning the fact that he was not conceived at a more exciting and meaningful point in history. “Everyone knows that the pre…
Bike thieves demand separate bike-thief lanes
KAMLOOPS, BC – A group of bicycle thieves are petitioning the local government to construct more protected routes for those who regularly steal bikes. The group of small-time criminals say …
Fat kid’s cannonball dive produces disappointingly small splash
CHILLIWACK, B.C. – Wearing an XXL white t-shirt to cover his portly frame, witnesses report that local fat kid, Kyle Walker, 11, known to his friends as “Tiny” attempted a sorry excuse for …
Local mom files Freedom of Information request regarding son’s new girlfriend
SAULT STE. MARIE, ON – Local mother Helena Nowak has resorted to bureaucratic methods to try to obtain information regarding the love life of her son, Adam, 22, and has filed a Freedom of I…
Self-involved friend thinks she’d make a great therapist
TORONTO, ON – After years of offering unsolicited advice to friends, family, and absolute strangers, local self-involved woman, Miranda Emmerson, announced to friends at a wedding Saturday …
Old man in Driver’s Ed knows all the drinking and driving answers
Kingston, ON – The students and faculty of All Star Defensive Driving Academy were delighted to find a star pupil in 65 year old Derek Knox, who knew the answer to every single question pos…
Summer camp proprietor really hoping these unexplained axe murders blow over
HALIBURTON, ON – With the body count of attractive teenage victims rising, local summer camp proprietor, Mel Heinman, 57, told reporters yesterday he really hopes all these unexplained axe-…
Police smash car window to rescue overheated dad still waiting for family to emerge from local mall
BURNABY, BC – Local authorities are once again reminding shoppers of the danger of leaving anyone in a hot car after police were forced to smash a window to rescue local father Dan Coolidge…
Local small business obviously former Pizza Hut
HALIFAX, NS – Despite now exclusively serving medicines and convenient retail goods, members of the community said that Lee’s Pharmacy on Walt St. is obviously a former Pizza Hut on Sunday,…
