VANCOUVER – Penelope Fagan doesn’t know exactly when she became a supporting character in a horror movie but she’s certain that’s what’s happening to her. “It all started when my friend Bet…
Local
Desperate zoo hopes use of Jurassic Park font will spice things up
KINDERSLEY, SK – After years of failing to connect with the zoo-going public, the struggling Kindersley Zoo has made a last ditch attempt to combat lagging attendance and poor online review…
Woman’s sole purpose is to impress her teen neighbour with outfit
HAMILTON, ON — Local woman Sidney Danskin finally admitted the truth to herself, that her sole purpose in life is to impress her teen neighbour Maddison Nicks with her clothing choices. “I’…
Modern day Scrooge McFuck doesn’t give out his wifi password to anyone
LONDON, ON – In a Dickensian turn of events, local miser Scrooge McFuck has refused to reveal the various characters that comprise his wireless network password to his “friend” that he hims…
Man reviewing credit card bill horrified to discover he the anonymous $1,000 tipping hero
STRATFORD, ON – Local man Daniel Lark was shocked to learn of his heroic actions when he accidentally tipped a server $1,000 for a $20 meal while preparing to pay his monthly VISA bill. “Oh…
Sane clown beginning to think she wandered into wrong posse
LEGEND VALLEY, OH – Professional birthday party entertainer Twinkles the Clown, who has been described by her doctor as ‘very mentally sound’, got lost on her way to meeting some fellow bir…
Local man continues search for method of scraping metal against face that won’t irritate skin
SASKATOON – After years of inexplicable failure, local man Peter Whitehall has yet to find a method of dragging sharp metal blades against his face that doesn’t irritate his skin. “I don’t …
Wedding attendee upset that there weren’t more pictures of her
KAMLOOPS BC – A disgruntled guest of Marsha and Graham Staedler’s wedding filed a complaint in regards to the lack of pictures taken of her last weekend. “I mean it’s ridiculous…
Chronically late man still finds time to check Instagram
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Running a shocking 35 minutes behind on his morning routine Bill Benson, 29, had nevertheless found time to prioritize what’s important in his life: checking in on social …
Local man still waving his hand in front of automated sink sensor
REGINA — Reports indicate that local man Cameron Watts, 34, is still trapped inside the bathroom of a local Outback Steakhouse, futilely waving his unwashed hands in front of the non-respon…
