Every grocery store, Canada – The guy who spent 45 minutes inside the store already without a mask has now alerted one of the employees he left it in his car despite not owning a mask or a …
Local
Libertarian friend apparently doesn’t believe in regulating speaking volume either
OTTAWA – Matt Martin, a self-proclaimed ‘classic libertarian of the Adam Smith school’, does not favour intrusive regulation of the economy or daily life, and apparently believe…
94% of Social Distance Hang spent talking about whether everyone is far enough apart
Belleville, ON – A group of friends enjoying a social distance hang in one of their backyards spent nearly all of their time talking about whether they were all at least 6 feet apart. ̶…
Search and rescue for matching Tupperware lid in kitchen drawer enters 5th hour
EDMONTON – Authorities have confirmed that a search and rescue operation for a lid to match the Tupperware container sitting on the kitchen counter of a local homeowner has now passed the four-ho…
Report: man who flossed two nights in a row finally has gotten life back together
CALGARY – In a big win, 32-year-old Dave Frescos has finally managed to gather the internal strength necessary to floss for two nights in a row after weeks quarantined alone in a basement a…
Webster’s dictionary changes definition of ‘sarcasm’ to ‘I totally meant what I said but now I got in trouble for it so I’m going to backpedal’
Springfield, MA – Merriam-Webster’s dictionary has changed the definition of the term ‘sarcasm’ to ‘I totally meant what I said but now I got in trouble for it so I’m going to backpedal,’ i…
Bike Courier delivering Soufflé is absolutely fucked
TORONTO– With fancy restaurants’ doors closed nationwide, many bougie businesses have turned to delivery apps, entrusting their delicate dishes to hungover teenagers riding bicycles. This has bec…
Man who records his refusal to wear a mask determined to turn local humiliation global
KINGSTON, ON – After being politely asked to comply with public health mandates to wear a mask at local establishments during a global pandemic, local man Clarence Heart pulled out his phon…
Local ally imagines how proud his Black friends would be about this social media post if he had any
Lethbridge, AB – Local white man Jeffrey Travers is having the time of his life imagining all the praise he would receive from his imaginary Black friends for his pro-Black Lives Matter soc…
Black Lives Matter lawn sign is white neighbourhood’s most esteemed activist
OTTAWA — Residents of Westpointe, a suburban neighbourhood known for being very very white, are taking a stand against anti-Black racism thanks to a local activist they call “the most distinguish…
