CALGARY – A complicated yo-yo trick failed to impress Joel Steadman’s in-laws during Easter dinner this weekend. “I nailed a ‘Reverse Double or Nothing’ and got no reaction from Ellen’s par…
Local
Couple attending different online colleges decide they will try to make it work
GUELPH, ON – Faced with different online colleges and the strain it might place on their relationship, high school sweethearts Jeff Breadle and Stacey Middlenan have decided to try and make…
Teacher compares death of kindergartner’s puppy to divorce from Kathy
HAMILTON, ON – Thursday morning at the Hamilton Elementary School for Gifted Children, kindergarten teacher Greg Schwartz compared the death of student Marisa Jackson’s puppy to his divorce…
Master farter confused by constant rejection
MILTON, ON – Gifted tooter Josh Bibby expressed displeasure today at his inability to find a “nice girl,” despite his painstakingly-honed ability to fart on command. “I’ve tried online dati…
Dog finally fucking sits when company over
WINNIPEG – Local pet owner Ricky Blinkin shocked friends and co-workers at his house party last Friday when, in a Herculean Feat, he managed to get his miniature schnauzer, Sigfried, to actually …
Machismo exhibited by moving furniture alone
TORONTO – Local student Jeff Saunders impressed friends at his Beverley St. apartment when he moved a 340 lbs solid oak bunk bed from one side of his room to the other, sources reported las…
Local bachelor unreasonably proud of keeping house plant alive
VANCOUVER – Local bachelor Louie Kaplansky expressed extreme pride this week, when he successfully managed not to kill a cactus he recently acquired. “I usually don’t do well with living things,”…
Most boring diary ever kept hidden away like it was some sort of fucking gem, reports disappointed mother
KINGSTON, ON – The discovery of 15-year-old Stacey Bradenham’s very secret diary has proven disappointing for the Bradenhams, sources from the family report. “I was pretty excited at first,…
Two friends become better friends
HALIFAX, NS – Two acquaintances increased their friendship by 200 percent this week, thanks to the combined effect of two man-dates within a 36-hour period. Taking in a summer blockbuster o…
Man invents new Slurpee flavour by mixing the shit out of the other ones
WINNIPEG – Local resident and regular 7-11 patron Dale Brattigan laid claim to a new Slurpee flavour last Tuesday by combining all available flavours into one large cup and mixing the shit …
