OTTAWA – Rover, a two-month-old mutt who was recently adopted by Kaleb Smith, is enjoying the frequent walks and treats but is worried he’s not equipped to handle the myriad of avoida…
Lifestyle
Social butterflies soothed by nonstop robocall scams
VANCOUVER – As an increasing number of people are under quarantine or self-isolating to help stop the spread of COVID-19, the stress of long periods of solitude is for many extroverts only …
Local hamster celebrates eight months in social isolation
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Local hamster, Peaches Whitaker, took a moment to celebrate eight months of social isolation, spending her entire life thus far in a tiny plastic cage. “Eight-months baby!…
Cruise lines now offer deluxe coronavirus upgrade over basic norovirus package
SANTA CLARITA, CA – Cruise companies across the world have begun offering passengers a choice between the default norovirus infection typically received aboard ship and an upgrade to a higher-end…
Boyfriend sentenced to daily skincare routine
RICHMOND HILL, ON – A decision rendered by a small claims court has ordered Bryan Ramos to begin implementing a daily skincare routine at the behest of his girlfriend, Vanessa Adeyemi. “Alt…
“Might as well, I’m on vacation,” says local man as he drinks from puddle of radioactive waste
PICKERING, ON – Onlookers watched in fascination and horror today as Alexander Landau, a fifth grade teacher from Saskatoon, drank radioactive liquid from a puddle near Canada’s oldest nucl…
Pragmatic supervillain sets sights on conquering small Midwestern township
LANESBORO, MN – Residents of a tiny American township were mildly confused last week when Professor Mastermind, a prolific supervillain famous for his use of mind control, announced that he…
Guests furious hotels will no longer be giving out little bottles filled with terrible products no one uses
VANCOUVER – Citing environmental concerns, several major hotel chains are switching from small bottles filled with cheap personal hygiene products to large, built-in dispensers and many gue…
Woman killed by monster after realizing running is worse than death
TORONTO – Following a terrifying appearance of a werewolf in Toronto’s High Park, 33-year-old accountant Felicia Delmont was savagely ripped to pieces due to her complete and utter refusal to eng…
Hacked psychic website compromises millions of users’ tarot card information
TORONTO – In what appears to be the largest data leak of its kind, popular psychic website ‘tomorrow-truth-today.ca’ has been hacked, leaving millions of users’ tarot card info exposed. “I’…
