WHOVILLE, AB ― Reports from Whoville, a remote town outside Banff, indicate that its most famous resident has returned to his old domicile on a cold mountaintop on the outskirts of town. After se…
Holidays
Mariah Carey admits she also wants a Dyson Airwrap hairdryer for Christmas
LOS ANGELES – The queen of Christmas Mariah Carey has admitted after nearly 30 years of her chart-topping single “All I Want for Christmas Is You,” she finally needs more than just you. “I…
Parliament’s Elf On The Shelf turns out to be Pierre Poilievre in a little scarf
OTTAWA – Shockwaves spread throughout the House this week when staffers realized that the vaguely threatening elf watching their every move was actually the leader of the Opposition in a fe…
Why I refuse to say “Happy Holidays”: I’m sad
TORONTO — It’s that time of year again; The lights are shining, the snow is falling, and “woke moralists” are forcing me to say “Happy Holidays”. But this year I’m taking a stand. I won’t say it!…
Most popular Christmas special in each province
There’s nothing more Canadian than avoiding the increasingly wet winter weather by hiding inside and watching your favourite Christmas special. Check out this list of the most popula…
“Circle back after the holidays” workload building up
TORONTO – In the corporate world, employees are finding that their “circle back after the holidays” workload is building up to critical levels. Jason Raynor works as a project manager for a…
Local intellectual pumped to spend two weeks saying, “Um, I think you mean American Thanksgiving”
VANCOUVER – Local genius and free thinker Andy Hammond is amped to spend the next several weeks reminding his American friends and relatives that the holiday they are about to celebrate in …
5 Ways to celebrate International Women’s Day that aren’t having bodily autonomy
Treat yourself to a walk outside Spring has sprung, and getting outside is great for your mental health, and in most places you can still do it without someone stopping you to demand your last me…
Nation’s dads announce plan to see you next year
OTTAWA — Pausing briefly during the lyrics to Auld Lang Syne, Canada’s dads reaffirmed their commitment to see the various people in their lives next year while loudly snickering to themselves. D…
Report: Preparing Christmas turkey closest thing dad has had to sex in years
ST. JOHNS, NF- Local father of 3 Jake O’Leary confirmed speculation that getting the turkey ready for Christmas dinner is by far the most arousing activity he has done in roughly seven years. “It…