HALIFAX — Earlier today, following years of unrest and maltreatment, the old hummus containers at the back of Emily Cooper’s fridge officially announced the formation of a union, Very Old H…
Food
Stormwatch: That one restaurant patio is still open
TORONTO — Following the recent first major snowfall of the year, Torontonians are bundling up in preparation for the long, cold winter ahead. However, Big Louie’s Bar and Grill has attracted atte…
Beef Industry finally develops Beyond Meat product that can feel pain
OMAHA – Food scientists working for members of the U.S. beef industry announced a breakthrough this week, successfully engineering a new strain of Beyond Meat plant protein products capable of fe…
Local woman maniacally reporting firmness of each grape
EDMONTON – Medical professionals at Royal Alexandra Hospital are unsure how to diagnose patient Sara Rostami, a young woman who is unable to consume grapes unless she is reporting back on t…
Local woman outraged that restaurant can’t make the meal she just invented
TORONTO – Margaret Jenson was left horrified yesterday after Café Rouge, the French restaurant in which she was having lunch, impertinently informed her that they would be unable to create the di…
A&W ‘Uncle Burger’ actually just burger that Dad knows from bar
NORTH VANCOUVER – Under increasing pressure from his suspicious son, Papa Burger was forced to admit that Uncle Burger is just a friend of the Burger family that he knows from the local bar…
Scientists confirm Kraft Dinner has never once successfully fed four people
TORONTO – In a startling revelation yesterday, a team of scientists at the University of Toronto released a report providing irrefutable evidence that a single box of Kraft Dinner, contrary to it…
Cool! Cheesecake Factory now has a new menu for each stage of grief!
As if Cheesecake Factory didn’t already have something delicious for everyone, from pizza to burgers to amazing desserts, they’ve just unveiled 5 delicious new menus inspired by each of Elizabeth…
Beloved aunt missing after mozza sticks lead to one-way ticket to Flavour Town
CALGARY – A manhunt is underway after the disappearance of Linda Brown, 46, who was last seen boarding a one-way flight to Flavour Town after indulging in a plate of wonderfully ooey gooey …
Salami industry issues their own food guide mainly consisting of Salami
OTTAWA – In response to Health Canada’s new food guide that emphasises a plant based diet and unprocessed food, the salami industry has produced its own rival food and nutrition guide, the …
