LOS ANGELES – Amidst the Field of Trials located deeply within the Destiny Shroud, 4,000 trumpets sounded as rapper and alt-hip hop star Tyler the Creator emerged from the foggy deeps to fight hi…
Dumb Week
BREAKING: Narwhals are real, apparently
GREENLAND – In an announcement that is still taking some time to process, scientists confirmed once and for all yesterday that narwhals are apparently actual animals that really exist, and aren’t…
Choking man with fantastic abs impossible to Heimlich, dies
VANCOUVER – Sexy, muscular tragedy struck today as local man Harrison White choked on a piece of locally-sourced, environmentally conscious hamburger. His rippling abs prevented the Heimlic…
Pornhub leak reveals most of their actors are not actually step-siblings
MONTREAL – Porn enthusiasts are reeling after an information leak at Pornhub has revealed that most of the actors on the site who claim to be step-siblings are not related at all. “I just f…
Political correctness is waging the War on Boxing Day
BY: JIM MARSHALL It’s that time of the year again where millions of Canadians come together on this sacred day spent either lounging, shopping, or in deep reflection on its meaning. You’ll hear t…
Dallas Green changes name to Peterborough Red to appeal to Canadian fans
PETERBOROUGH, ON – Residents of Peterborough are ecstatic upon hearing the announcement that Canadian Indie darling, City and Colour has decided to change his name from Dallas Green to Pete…
Democracy watch: Sleep Country has had same president since 1994
NEW YORK – In an impassioned speech to the U.N. General Assembly this week, Dozy Drowzinsson, a 56-year-old refugee from Sleep Country, criticized the mattress nation for its oppressive, an…
Fan theory suggests “Wheel of Fortune” and “Jeopardy!” take place in same universe
LOS ANGELES – The internet is running wild with speculation today as a new fan theory surfaced on Twitter spreading its way across various other social media sites with the suggestion that…
Woman’s fear of flying traced back to fact flying is scary
TORONTO – After much self-discovery and countless hours of psychotherapy, Ana Simonetta, has officially discovered that her deep seated fear of flying on a plane is derived from the undenia…
Talking snowman discovered to be Alberta man who slipped down hill
EDMONTON – A magical, talking snowman in the heart of the Edmonton river valley was recently identified as Brad Fishman, 48, who had slipped down a snowy hill three weeks earlier. “I was ju…
