REGINA – In a story so unbelievable, it has to be true, doctors out in Regina, Saskatchewan opened up a patient’s abdomen as part of an appendix operation and made a totally gross discovery. It w…
Dumb Week
Kinky anarchist enjoys autocratic asphyxiation
LETHBRIDGE, AB – Admitting he’s addicted to the rush he gets from choking members of the fascist capitalist elite, a self-described anarchist says his greatest sexual kink is autocratic asp…
Police stopping more drivers for random roadside jesting
TIMMINS, ON – A record number of motorists across the country have been pulled over by police for mandatory roadside jesting. A recent report has shown that since new jesting laws were pass…
Bryan Adams releases remastered version of “Summer of ’69” where he giggles every time he says “69”
LOS ANGELES – In celebration of Canadian rock singer Bryan Adams’ most beloved hit, Universal Records announced today that they will be releasing a remastered “honest” ver…
Raffi sinks millions into failed BananaPhone
Victoria BC – After ten years of research and development, acclaimed singer-songwriter, Raffi Cavoukian admits that he has been unable to produce a functioning smart device known only as the ‘Ban…
Google Maps error sends local couple to howling void
HOWLING VOID – Charlaine and Zach Cooper are livid after an error in their Google Maps app caused them to drive straight into the howling void. “You hear about Google accidentally sending p…
Senate refuses to pass bill removing all references to Bigfoot from “O Canada”
OTTAWA – The Senate continues to refuse to pass a House bill that would remove all references to the simian cryptid known as Bigfoot from Canada’s national anthem. “I’m tired of the PC poli…
Historians uncover identity of the anus that the planet Uranus is named after
VIENNA – Historians focusing on the development of the study of astronomy have finally uncovered the answer to a mystery that has long puzzled modern scientists: whose anus is the planet Uranus n…
Help! A tall, bald man appears in my house every time I mop the floor
You’re not going to believe this, and I’m scared to even admit it, but every time I mop my kitchen floor, a hairless man with an earring, dressed entirely in white. I first noticed three months a…
Yoplait scientists discover liquid yogurt on Mars
GRANBY, QC — From the Carl C. Yoplait Centre for Excellence in Dairy Sciences, a team of Canada’s top dairy astronomists addressed members of the press, Friday, to announce their discovery …
