OSHAWA, ON — In an unexpected turn of events, Xbox Live user 420weedL0rd has admitted that he did not fuck your mother, despite earlier claims of having done so. Nearly three months after “…
Culture
Neil Peart to retire in three months after completion of current drum solo
TORONTO – Famed drummer Neil Peart has stunned the music world by announcing that he is set to retire in approximately three months, just as soon as he finishes his current drum solo. Peart, a fo…
Radio DJ ensures gun loaded, door barred before starting another week of Christmas music
TORONTO – Jason “Smooth J” Carruthers, DJ for “The Flex” on 98.1, has spent the weekend beefing up security measures in preparation for another week of non-stop Christmas music. “In the sec…
Crown Royal voted world’s best whisky to mix with ginger ale
Gimli, MB — Canadian rye maker Crown Royal was honoured with the designation of “Best Whiskey for Ginger Ale 2015” by the world’s leading leading ginger ale connoisseurs. “When added to any…
Best experience of theatre student’s life gets two stars
VANCOUVER – Despite receiving universally lukewarm reviews, 19-year old theatre major Kristen Stolley has declared her 5-show run on UBC Follies Rent to be the best thing that has ever happ…
Retailers across Canada brace for Hanukkah rush
CANADA – As November nears its conclusion, stores both big and small across the nation have begun preparing for the massive Hanukkah crowds. “Oh yes, it’s far and away the busiest time of t…
Oxford Dictionaries finally appealing to illiterate audiences
Oxford, UK — Oxford University Press, the publisher of the Oxford English Dictionaries, has announced it will be replacing all words with ideograms and smileys to make the massive, descript…
New Star Trek series vows to disappoint old and new fans alike
HOLLYWOOD, CA – After this Monday’s announcement that CBS would be producing a new series of the popular franchise Star Trek, executives are now allaying worries that the new program …
Daniel Craig loses Bond role after his new tan deemed “too dark”
LOS ANGELES – The author of the latest Bond novel has called for Daniel Craig to be fired after arriving to the Spectre premiere with a tan he believes is “too dark” to properly represent the cha…
Man born with giant paper-maché head ready for another Halloween
SURREY, BC — After a year of self-imposed exile, Daniel Gauthier, a man with a strange and rare genetic condition, plans to emerge from his home. Every October 31st, Gauthier, who was born …
