Sudbury, ON or somewhere in the Amazon – Jack Farber, popular choose-your-own-adventure novelist, was found dead over the weekend, either alone in his bachelor apartment or in the Amazon wh…
Culture
CP24 to begin broadcasting entirely without audio
TORONTO – Local broadcaster CP24 has announced that, beginning next week, it will air all broadcasts with no sound or noise of any kind. “We noticed in our audience research that the vast m…
Non-magic school bus drives into volcano
Ol Doinyo Lengai, Tanzania – Disaster struck Monday morning as a tragically normal school bus and its occupants drove into an active volcano, causing the deaths of one teacher and nine ethn…
Everyone at Entourage screening pretending they walked into wrong theater
KINGSTON – A 7pm showing of the Entourage film at a multiplex theatre in Ontario was attended exclusively by filmgoers who claimed to be there by accident. “Wait, this is the Entourage movi…
Cosmopolitan magazine publishes last-known sex tip
NEW YORK CITY — Last week, the popular women’s magazine Cosmopolitan finally exhausted the world’s known collection of sex tips. Since the late 60s, Cosmo has published a list o…
Bloodstained, haggard Gilles Duceppe stumbles into BQ caucus meeting
OTTAWA – His clothing torn, and covered in blood stains and dust, former party leader Gilles Duceppe barged into a Bloc Québécois caucus meeting yesterday at around 12:45 in the afternoon. …
Pope recognizes Instagramming meal with “#blessed” acceptable form of saying grace
VATICAN CITY — Cool, social media-savvy Pope Francis (@Pontifex) has declared that uploading a picture of your meal to Instagram with the caption “#blessed” is now recognized by…
Latest CSI spinoff to focus on the killers hiding under your bed, Gary
LOS ANGELES — Television crime drama titan, the CSI franchise, is adding a new spinoff to its roster: CSI: Gary. CSI creator Anthony E. Zuiker and CSI: Cyber co-creator Carol Mendelsohn exp…
10 ways to show everyone you’re over your recent breakup
Are you trying to show everybody you’re totally over your previous relationship? Here are some tips: 1. Write a listicle for an online women’s magazine about the top ten ways to know …
Degrassi School condemned following 35 years of student-related tragedy
TORONTO – Following 35 years of unplanned pregnancies, drunk driving, stabbings, suicides, gonorrhea outbreaks, and one student dropping acid and then falling off a bridge and suffering per…
