TORONTO – With numerous television seasons and countless home sales under their belts, ‘Property Brothers Jonathan and Drew Scott should be on top of the world. However, there is one major …
Culture
Unpatriotic man finds Tragically Hip just ‘all right’
NAPANEE, ON – Local man and traitor of Canada Rory Emery was overheard stating his rather unenthusiastic support for the nation’s band, The Tragically Hip. Emery, 31, made the seditious cla…
Come From Away celebrates award win by screeching-in Tony audience
NEW YORK — The cast and crew of the renowned Canadian musical, Come From Away, celebrated their Tony Award win for ‘Best Musical Director’ by officially screeching in every audience member …
Study finds William Fichtner is the name of the guy
LOS ANGELES – According to a new study, the guy’s name – you know, the guy from that one thing – is William Fichtner, a Long Island-born actor with over 80 credits to his name, including se…
Area woman so busy she doesn’t even have time to eat yogurt.
TORONTO – Forced to juggle career, family and an active social life, local woman Carole Vonn was unable to find any time in her busy schedule to eat yogurt this week. “I knew that bei…
Hedley celebrates 14th anniversary of benefiting from CRTC laws
ABBOTSFORD, BC – Pop-punk band Hedley celebrated their 14th anniversary of profiting from the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission Canadian content rules. As per the …
Sean Hannity reports Clintons killed Sean Hannity, while slowly raising pistol to own head
NEW YORK – After months suggesting the DNC was responsible for the murder of Seth Rich, Fox News reporter Sean Hannity is now reporting the Clintons have assassinated Fox News reporter Sean…
Dating app algorithm operates on assumption that we have any fucking clue what we want
WATERLOO – A new dating app released yesterday plans to operate on the assumption that users have any tangible idea what they want, both from the app and from their romantic endeavours as …
To be clear, Marineland very much not offering customers opportunity to chainsaw live Orca
NIAGARA FALLS, ON – Several months after animal cruelty charges were laid against them by the OSPCA, the extremely litigious water park Marineland is not, we repeat, not, allowing guests th…
Women-only screenings of Wonder Woman countered by men-only screenings of sad porn
AUSTIN, TX — In response to several women-only screenings of the film Wonder Woman, numerous DC Comics fans are striking back with male-only screenings of online pornography. “For too long …
