SCARBOROUGH – Ontario is rejoicing as the province moves into stage three, seeing the return of indoor dining, casinos, and perhaps the most anticipated, movie theatres making a triumphant …
Culture
Disney announces new Pocahontas movie exploring tragic, sympathetic backstory of white Christian imperialism
LOS ANGELES – Following the success of their hit movies MALEFICENT and CRUELLA, Disney have announced that it plans to continue the trend of movies that humanize and sympathize with famous …
Catholic church one broken commandment away from bingo
OTTAWA, ONT – The Catholic church is reportedly one broken commandment away from getting a full card bingo. “It’s a real nail-biter,” began Father Owen Karmichael, after flashing his almost…
Opinion: Do women deserve rights?
LOS ANGELES, CA – The newest saga of the Britney Spears conservatorship story presents a very difficult, complex question: Do women deserve rights? For years now, Spears’ legal conservator …
Channing Tatum revealed to have been trapped at bottom of well for past 4 years
LOS ANGELES – A list actor Channing Tatum’s recent multi-year absence from Hollywood films has been explained after the megastar was found trapped at the bottom of a well. “Good God, I’ve b…
Local toddler tall enough to reach the sink, can finally do Lady MacBeth scene
PRINCE GEORGE, BC – Local precocious toddler Emma Jonasson has finally grown tall enough to reach her family’s bathroom sink, which means that not only can she wash her hands all by herself…
Citytv orders Rex & Rex, both cops, both dogs
TORONTO – After the success of buddy-cop-dog drama Hudson & Rex, Citytv has reportedly greenlit the spin-off Rex & Rex, both cops, both dogs. “We’re thrilled!” began Mark Scotts, th…
Local man learned not to trust media when he realized Pingu wasn’t speaking French
Thunder Bay, ON – Local man Matt Rabbior advised that his life long distrust of the “media-industrial complex” began when he was 14 and realized that the children’s clayma…
Friends reunion mostly cast discussing how Frasier was better
LOS ANGELES, CA – The cast and crew of the highly anticipated Friends reunion special have admitted that the episode is primarily devoted to them talking about how Frasier was the vastly superior…
UN names “Star Trek: TNG episode where Dr. Crusher bones the ghost that boned her grandma” humanity’s greatest cultural achievement
NEW YORK CITY, NY – The General Assembly of the United Nations has passed a resolution acknowledging the 1994 Star Trek: The Next Generation episode “Sub Rosa” as the most important cultural achi…
