TORONTO — Nestlé Canada has announced it will be ending sales of its Delissio, Stouffer’s, and Lean Cuisine brands as the corporate entity shifts toward investing more in committing blatant acts …
Business
Man caught stealing eggs from Loblaws charged with theft over $5,000
VANCOUVER — Police working with Loblaws store security have managed to foil a brazen daytime robbery of the Grandview Highway Superstore location, the suspect almost making off with two dozen egg…
Zellers stores to return now that this online shopping fad has blown over
OTTAWA – Zellers has announced that this year they will open 25 retail pop-up stores across Canada, now that consumers have “finally gotten tired of online shopping”. “We here at Zellers kn…
Poll: Majority of Canadians willing to vote for whatever politician promises to slap Galen Weston Jr. in the face
OTTAWA – A recent Angus Reid study has confirmed that Canadian voters are not sure who they will support in the next election, and are willing to give their support to whichever candidate p…
Supply chain issue results in shortage of cans of whoop-ass
TORONTO – Supply chain issues are leaving customers high and dry as an unexpected shortage of cans of whoop-ass grips the nation. Amidst lingering pandemic related delays and the rising cos…
Kanye West loses sponsorship deal with Schwartz’s Kosher Dreidels
LOS ANGELES – In another stunning blow to the merchandising empire of music legend Kanye West, the hip-hop artist has now lost his lucrative deal with Schwartz’s Kosher Dreidels. “We’ve been taki…
Swiss Chalet, Durex team up for Chalet Sauce flavoured lube
TORONTO – Recipe Unlimited Corporation, the owners of Swiss Chalet, have announced a collaboration with sex accessories corporation Durex that will finally see the release of Chalet Sauce f…
Canadians hoping Musk will buy Bell and Rogers next
OTTAWA – As Elon Musk completes his unintentional mission to reduce twitter, which he bought for 44 billion dollars, to a pile of smoldering ash, Canadians are hoping his next investment wi…
Elon Musk close to fulfilling conditions of eccentric uncle’s will to spend 45 B$ without giving it away
SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk is on the verge of completing the stipulations of his uncle’s will wherein he must spend 45 B$ without giving it away. By doing so before the end of the year, Elon Musk …
Elon Musk suspended from Twitter for impersonating competent businessman
SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk’s Twitter account was briefly suspended for violating the site’s new parody guidelines after he was discovered tweeting in the guise of a “successful entrepreneur.” The …
