JEFFERSON CITY, MISSOURI – A jury in the state of Missouri has ordered cosmetic company Johnson & Johnson to pay $72 million in damages after its trademark Baby Powder was found to contain “l…
Business
Local dad’s four shares plummeting
BRAMPTON – Cries of distress have been heard from the basement of local man Geoffrey Costa this afternoon, after he returned home from work to discover that he had lost nearly $100 in the markets…
Goldman Sachs predicts CDN dollar will continue to fall after they artificially lower it
NEW YORK CITY – Goldman Sachs’ computer models have predicted that the value of the Canadian Dollar will fall 12 cents compared to the US dollar in the coming weeks after they use an astoun…
Report: Notley stepping down would to lead to 300% increase in Conservative government jobs
ALBERTA – Conservative critics of the Alberta NDP took Premier Rachel Notley to task this afternoon, claiming that her actions have put dozens of Conservative Members of Provincial Parliame…
‘Tryst,’ ‘Moonlight Dalliance’ and ‘You-Know-What’ top media’s preferred terms for rape
TORONTO – According to statistics compiled by media watchdog PressWatch.org, the most widely used terms in 2015 by media outlets describing rape charges and allegations were “Tryst”, “Moonlight D…
Child successfully sues friend for one million doll hairs
Charlottetown, PEI – After a lengthy court battle, eight-year-old Sandy Hamilton has been ordered to deliver to his once best friend, Jamie Vandermeer, exactly one million doll hairs, based…
Uber passengers impressed with speed, efficiency of uninsured collisions
TORONTO – With the Uber ridesharing service now transporting thousands of riders in Toronto daily, many customers are reporting being impressed by Uber’s approach to collision insurance, na…
Underemployed millennial not particularly worried about housing bubble
VANCOUVER – Part-time barista Jeremy Fletcher admitted yesterday that he was not overly concerned about the possibility that housing prices across Canada could suddenly collapse, causing a …
Canada pledges $1 million to Kevin O’Leary if he will go away forever
OTTAWA — Citing concerns over reality show star and financial commentator’s impact on the value of Canadian public discourse, democratic process, and journalistic integrity, Canada is offering Ke…
Saskatchewan now world’s top exporter of vastness
SASKATOON – Following successful advertising blitzes in key markets like New York, Beijing, and Mexico City, the Canadian prairie province has eked out the competition to become the world’s…
