EDMONTON – In response to rising COVID-19 case numbers, Alberta Minister of Health Tyler Shandro announced stringent new regulations on the province’s popular coughing competitions. “Albertans as…
Alberta
In return for $4 million from Alberta, NHL players staff busy ICUs
EDMONTON – The $4 million given to the NHL from the province of Alberta will be put to good use now that they’ve drafted NHL players as doctors, nurses, and other medical technicians. “We a…
Oil and gas companies line up outside Alberta legislature for Black Friday deals on provincial parks
EDMONTON – Hoping to start their year-end spending early, executives from the oil and gas industry are already waiting in line outside the Alberta legislature to snag Black Friday deals on …
Alberta Premier now aware of a relatively unknown disease called “coronavirus”
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Jason Kenney has now become aware of a condition known as “coronavirus.” “I would like to bring to everyone’s attention of a new disease that I have become aware …
Amber Alert issued for 52-year-old premier
EDMONTON – Edmonton Police Service have issued an amber alert for Alberta Premier Jason Kenney who is nowhere to be found and may be in danger. The 52-year-old, who has the accountability o…
Alberta doesn’t understand why it needs a mask mandate if the provinces around it have mask mandates
EDMONTON – The government of Alberta is relieved that since B.C. and Saskatchewan have finally implemented long-awaited mask mandates to help stop the spread of COVID-19, Alberta can now av…
Alberta launches contact tracing app notifying users if they’ve been near David Suzuki
EDMONTON – The Canadian Energy Centre has launched a new mobile app that will warn users if they were in close contact with environmentalist David Suzuki. Albertans who download the mobile …
Premier Kenney responds to spike in cases by expanding Alberta’s y-axis
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Jason Kenney is taking bold steps at tackling the rapid spread of cases of COVID-19 in the province by expanding the y-axis on all statistical graphs. “The Health…
Travel Alberta ad invites tourists to marvel at crumbling public health care system
CALGARY – A new set of ads released by Alberta’s tourism agency is wooing tourists to visit the province’s decaying public health care system. Striking support workers, exhausted nurses, an…
Alberta removes education from curriculum
EDMONTON – After taking recommendations from hand-picked advisors, Premier Jason Kenney UCP government will be removing education from the province’s curriculum. Any form of learning will b…
