OTTAWA – People under the age of 35 are reeling after a 0.25% hike to the Bank of Canada’s key interest rate left their lives in no way different from before the rate hike. “This rate hike …
Harjit Sajjan claims credit for record 3.5 km sniper shot
OTTAWA – Minister of National Defence Harjit Sajjan told reporters that he was “the architect” behind the record-breaking 3.5 kilometre sniper shot reported by Canadian defence officials. “…
Experts expect every living organism to have own podcast by 2018
HALIFAX – Scientists from Dalhousie University are predicting that by 2018 every lifeform on Earth will be hosting its own podcast, available through their website or the Apple Store. “With…
BC Liberals offer Groupon so voters can meet Christy Clark at half her normal rate
VICTORIA – In a bid to soften their corporate reputation in time for election day, the BC Liberals have rolled out a Groupon offer, so voters can glad-hand with Christy Clark for a discount…
Ontario Liberals combat housing crisis by adding 58 storey condo to Queen’s Park
TORONTO – As part of its plan to open up provincial lands for the development of affordable housing, the Ontario government announced today that the 58 storey condominium they added to the …
Liberals plan legislation to make marijuana shittier, harder to get
OTTAWA – Leaked briefings have revealed Prime Minister Justin Trudeau will unveil legislation that would enable make obtaining and consuming marijuana “even more of a pain in the ass” befor…
Archeologists discover mass Polkaroo burial site
TORONTO – Two decades after TVO’s award-winning children’s program The Polka Dot Door ended, archaeologists from the University of Toronto have finally discovered where all the polkaroos ar…
Cellino & Barnes hired to represent Diamond & Diamond for false advertising claims
TORONTO – Diamond and Diamond has announced that it has retained Buffalo, New York personal injury lawyers Cellino and Barnes to handle an ongoing dispute with the Law Society of Upper Cana…
75% of stuff in parents’ cupboards just things to make pooping easier
REGINA – A study conducted by scientists at the University of Regina has found that a full 75% of the items found in the nation’s parents’ cupboards serve the sole purpose of making the eva…
Cohen family unsure what song to play at Leonard Cohen’s funeral
LOS ANGELES – Sources inside the Cohen family say they are having difficulty picking a song to play for the beloved singer-songwriter’s upcoming funeral. According to senior Cohen family me…