TORONTO – Struggling to address the public backlash from their revisions to the funding for the Ontario Autism Program, the Progressive Conservative Party has pivoted to introduce a new Buck-an-A…
Revived 1998 Ontario sex-ed curriculum encourages students to be more of a Chandler and less of a Joey
TORONTO – Following the announcement that schools in Ontario will be returning to the prior 1998 sex-ed lesson plans, educators have begun dusting off old materials, which instruct students to ac…
Elizabeth May shivs biggest, meanest guy in holding cell
BURNABY, B.C. – Emergency crews have been called to the Burnaby RCMP station amid scattered reports that Green Party leader Elizabeth May has shivved the biggest guy in lock-up following her arre…
Historians uncover identity of the anus that the planet Uranus is named after
VIENNA – Historians focusing on the development of the study of astronomy have finally uncovered the answer to a mystery that has long puzzled modern scientists: whose anus is the planet Uranus n…
Leaving early enough to beat cottage traffic making local dad so fucking wet
OAKVILLE – This morning Chet Billingsley, a local father of three, organized his family into a 5:30 a.m. departure from their home in order to avoid cottage country traffic. As a result of this s…
Editorial: My rant against Jews was taken out of context by the vast Jewish conspiracy which controls the world
BY: GAVIN McINNES, CONTRIBUTOR TO REBEL MEDIA Over the past few days, I have faced a backlash over the release of a video I recorded for my online show in which I talk about all the reasons I hat…
Stan Lee set to cameo in future Marvel porn parodies
LOS ANGELES – Vivid Entertainment has announced that famed comic book creator, Stan Lee, has been confirmed to appear in cameo roles for forthcoming porn parodies of Marvel superhero films. “We c…
Bank staff amused by charmingly bumbling robbery attempt, 14 dead
KINGSTON – Staff at a TD Bank branch in Kingston have described a recent robbery attempt committed by three adorably inept criminals as endearingly entertaining. 14 bystanders were killed in the …
Pamela Anderson calls upon loyal army of 1990s perverts to stop seal hunt
OTTAWA – Actress and former Playboy Playmate Pamela Anderson has called upon her legion of 1990s era perverts to help put an end to the annual Canadian seal hunt. “I am asking for all members of …
Small-dicked Neo-Nazis proud they now much closer to resembling Hitler
REGINA – Neo-Nazis worldwide are rejoicing this week amid the revelation that Adolf Hitler, former genocidal Chancellor of Germany from 1933-1945, had a micro-penis. The celebrations come as a re…