BY ELLIOTTE FRIEDMAN It is an honour to be a part of CBC’s legendary Hockey Night in Canada broadcast, and to spend the second intermission discussing the most important hockey news with so…
BBM for Android: Blackberry users now only a functional phone away from being connected with the world
WATERLOO, ON – The release of BlackBerry Messenger (BBM) for iPhone and Android this week prompted waves of excitement amongst Blackberry owners who are now only a working phone away from b…
Mulcair discovers that he is too bearded to approach children in park
KANATA — After a very awkward 5 minutes in a Kanata playground, Thomas Mulcair came to the realization that his beard disturbs families and scares children. “Well,” a forlorn Mu…
Dave Keon begins crafting hit single in hopes of finally getting banner in ACC
TORONTO – With Bon Jovi successfully getting a banner at the Air Canada Centre, former Toronto Maple Leaf legend Dave Keon has decided to emulate the band’s approach to finally get his numb…
Stop blaming society, it’s your own damn fault you choose to read my articles
BY MARGARET WENTE Nobody takes responsibility for their actions anymore: if you earn 30% less than men, it’s the patriarchy’s fault; if you get arrested in Egypt, it’s the Egyptian government’s f…
Harper confident scandal will soon be resolved now that Duffy’s health benefits cut
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Stephen Harper stated that the ongoing Senate scandal will soon disappear now that Senator Mike Duffy’s health benefits have been removed. “Call it a hunch” Harper s…
Local man bored to death by euthanasia debate
VANCOUVER – Mark Wilson is so tired of British Columbia’s assisted suicide debate that he’s now asking for the option to end his life to prevent hearing about the subject ever again. “When …
I will be the white guy that finally fixes Canada – First Nations relations
BY BOB RAE CHAIRMAN FOR FN (PTP) GROUP LIMITED PARTNERSHIP After over a century of failed policy, destructive assimilation attempts, and culture demolition I have finally found a way to solve all…
Montreal police arson squad return from group outing to find offices destroyed by fire
MONTREAL – After a morale-boosting spa day, Montreal’s arson squad returned to work yesterday only to find their offices destroyed by arson. “It’s been a long couple months for us. We’ve be…
Green party places Laraque on injured reserve with fraud accusation
MONTREAL – In an unexpected roster move, the Green Party transferred Georges Laraque to the injured reserve list yesterday with a fraud accusation. In a post-garden-visit press conference, …
