With plummeting oil revenues, the federal government is scrambling to balance the budget and avoid another deficit. Here’s some suggestions on how to do that: 1. Retrofit Royal Canadian Nav…
John Baird warns international community about Palestine’s growing stockpile of breakfast material
JERUSALEM – Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird is raising the alarm about the growing cache of eggs, fruit, naan bread, baba ghanoush and other types of dangerous foods hidden deep inside …
Respective Canadian journalists each have the scoop on who is the bigger prick
TORONTO – Sources indicate that two Canadian journalists have suppressed stories on each other being “a prick” due to the almost certainty of running into each other. The two journalists, w…
Canada remembers diverse group of English, Anglo-Saxon, Caucasian, and Scottish men who founded the nation
OTTAWA – In celebration of Canadian heritage, the nation honours the progressive, multiculturalism of the fathers of confederation who ranged from fair-skinned Englishmen to the pasty-white…
‘Freedom of speech is dead’ declares local man after newspaper fails to publish Charlie Hebdo cartoons
HAMILTON – When the New York Times opted not to publish Charlie Hebdo’s latest cover, self-styled free speech advocate John Blunt knew that free speech, as we know it, was dead. “How can our soci…
SPONSORED CONTENT: Redeem favourable media coverage under the new RBC rewards program
BY: AMANDA LANG, CBC’s SENIOR BUSINESS CORRESPONDENT RBC values their customers. To show their appreciation, they are now offering RBC Rewards members the ability to redeem favourable media…
Adam Smith’s invisible hand files for disability benefits
EDINBURGH – After 250 years of its suffering going unseen, Adam Smith’s invisible hand has decided to seek help and file for disability benefits. “I tried to solve my own problems, I really did,”…
Mercilessly boring truck-driving simulation game scares generation of kids into academic success
MARKHAM – Cross Country Canada, a computer studies game that gave kids the virtual experience of being a truck driver delivering cargo across the country, is being celebrated for effectivel…
French terrorists disappointed to discover satire doesn’t die
PARIS – With French authorities tracking them down, the gunmen who attacked a satirical news office were disheartened to discover that satire – and all other forms of gags, antics and…
Ugly Christmas sweater party turns into ugly Christmas sweater orgy
WHISTLER, BC – an innocent chance to socialize while ironically wearing clothing designed to celebrate the holiday season took on a more sexual tone this weekend, when all the party goers d…
