TORONTO – Mayor John Tory conceded yesterday that city workers had planted bedbugs on the 501 Queen Streetcar in an effort to bring a little more New York City grit to the Six. “There’s a feeling…
Vince Carter skips NBA All-Star tribute to attend master’s graduation ceremony
TORONTO, ON — Vince Carter has decided to attend his master’s graduation ceremony instead of NBA All Star tribute, because “it’s the most Vinsanity thing to do.” “It was my dream to slam du…
Gregory Elliot now free to harass that cutie in the jury
TORONTO – After being cleared of two charges of criminal harassment in a high-profile case this afternoon, Toronto-man Gregory Elliot is now free to begin sending aggressive escalating mess…
Every major news outlet asking why rest of media hasn’t called Oregon militia ‘terrorists’
TORONTO – The Toronto Star has become the 27th newspaper to run an op-ed accusing the rest of the North American newsmedia of refusing to label the Oregon occupiers as ‘insurgents,…
Man late to conversation wants to know what you guys are talking about
TORONTO – Recent studies have shown that local man Derek Waverly, who arrived late to your conversation at the office holiday party, is nonetheless interested in knowing what you guys are d…
Sony Records releases Favorite Family Fights of the Holidays CD
NEW YORK — Just in time for the Holidays, Sony Records has released a special edition, limited time offer CD set of your Favorite Family Fights of the Holidays. With over 100 fights to list…
Local killjoy has realistic expectations for new Star Wars
TORONTO – After witnessing a myriad of kickass promotional materials and entire seconds of new footage in the latest trailer, area man Matthew Gertz is still refusing to express hyperbolic …
MPs line up to sit on Supreme Court Justices’ laps to ask what laws they want struck down for Christmas
OTTAWA — In a tradition that is as old as Ottawa, 338 excited MPs lined up at the Supreme Court to ask the justices what laws they want struck down or amended for Christmas. Dressed in thei…
CBC closes comments on indigenous stories after 4th comments moderator dies from exhaustion
TORONTO—The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation will no longer permit web readers to post comments on any articles involving indigenous peoples just days after the tragic death of a CBC comments mo…
New Star Trek series vows to disappoint old and new fans alike
HOLLYWOOD, CA – After this Monday’s announcement that CBS would be producing a new series of the popular franchise Star Trek, executives are now allaying worries that the new program …
